Family Problems
by Shaymin
Summary: DISCONTINUED.
1. The Beginning

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue

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Rating: PG Genre: Humour

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Author's Notes: In this fic, Ash is 14 and goes to school - having learned that all Pokémon trainers past 14 must attend school for one year just to prove that they still HAVE a brain and then can go back to Pokémon training. So Ash is six months into his year at Pallet Town Comprehensive School. Gary attends the school too, but is in a different class because he is now a Pokémon researcher. Also I have based Ash and Giovanni off an old fic of mine, **Essence**. Basically; Ash knows that Giovanni is the leader of Team Rocket, but still talks to him.

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Chapter1 : The Beginning

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"Mr. Ketchum?" Snore. "Mr. Ketchum?" Snore. **"MR. KETCHUM!!"** Snore.

"Ash!" came the frantic tone of a fellow student. Ash opened his eyes when someone poked him, yawned loudly, looked up into the enraged cerulean eyes of the teacher and sunk down in his chair so only the very top of his hair could be seen, "Uh... hi miss." came the squeak. The class giggled.

"Is there a reason you keep falling asleep in my class, Mr. Ketchum?" the blonde haired teacher whispered, slanting her eyes. Ash gulped and slid off his chair, deciding to crawl slowly to the door.

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"KETCHUM!"

Well, scratch that. Ash zipped back up to his chair, almost knocking the girl, Tally, from her seat. He smiled, innocently, "Yes Miss Avery?"

Miss Avery rose her eyebrows, staring at the fourteen-year-old for a few seconds, before turning back to her class, "Now, as I was saying," she started, "Tomorrow will be 'Bring Your Parents To School Day'." A collective groan rose up from the class and Ash almost fell off the chair in shock, "Now, you only need to bring in one parent, and for most of you, the choice will to do so will be entirely your choice, but for others-" at this, she glared at Ash who sunk down in his chair again, "I will need to be talking to your parents so I'm afraid you will have to bring at least one."

Tally snickered,

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"THAT INCLUDES YOU MISS EVANS!"

Tally sunk down in her chair beside Ash,

"I really put my foot in that one, didn't I?" Tally giggled, psychotically,

Ash put his head in his hands and groaned, miserably.

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Ash and Tally dropped their bags on the coffee table, sat down, put their feet up and Ash turned on the television. They both sighed. Of course, Tally was the first one to speak - "Bring your parents to school?!?"

Ash shuddered, "Yeah, well you don't have it as bad as I do."

"Oh yeah." Tally grinned at Ash, "Your mom's on holiday."

"And I don't think Professor Oak would be considered as a parent." Ash dug through the freezer until he found what he was looking for - the chocolate ice-cream. He sat down beside Tally and sighed.

Tally snapped her fingers, "Why don't you call your dad." Ash dropped the ice-cream in shock causing a cry of outrage from Tally, **"DON'T TREAT THE ICE-CREAM LIKE THAT!"** But Ash didn't hear her. He was pacing around the room, nervously, muttering something about zombies and ghosts. Tally looked at her dark haired friend, curiously, "Uh, Ash? I know you live in different cities, but seriously! He _IS_ your father, and there's nothing wrong with simply asking him to come to school with you for one day."

Ash groaned and sat down, "Just wait till you meet him..."

Another thirty minutes passed as they helped themselves to ice-cream and watched Yu-Gi-Oh. Tally screamed with delight while Ash stared at her, one eyebrow raised as he seriously questioned her sanity. There had always been something seriously wrong with Tally - although no-one really knew what the hell it was. Ash still stuck to his belief that the girl was on a permanent sugar-high.

Oh well - at least she wasn't as screwed up as _HIS_ family. Ash was seriously dreading calling his father. The last time he'd done that, his father had ended up offering him a whole city if Ash would just leave him alone. And that was just for a friendly father-son chat that had been innocently suggested by his mother. Delia had ended up regretting it when the key to Vermillion City had come through the post covered in a substance that - well - definitely wasn't ketchup. Delia had ended up sending the thing back to Vermillion while Ash had been traumatized by the whole ordeal.

An hour after Yu-Gi-Oh, Ash was looking into thin-air while Tally bounced around the house like a mad-woman. Professor Oak had come to check if everything was alright, returned Pikachu (who had badly needed a check up) and left again. Pikachu had proceeded to go crazy with Tally.

The phone rang and Ash sighed, hauling himself from the chair he was sitting in and picked up the phone just as it rang the seventh time. Tally's mother appeared on the other side, smiling at Ash,

"Hello Ash. Is Tally there?"

"Yes."

"Can you send her home?"

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"TALLY!" Ash shrieked, **"YOUR MOM WANTS YOU HOME!"**

"Okay!" Tally appeared at the bottom of the stairs, a ruffled Pikachu in her hands. Ash took his dizzy Pokémon from the hyperactive girl who rushed off to the living room, grabbed her school bag and left, skipping as she went.

Ash blinked. Pikachu blinked. They both sweat-dropped.

"Has she gone?" came a muffled voice,

Ash sighed, "Yes, Tracy. She's gone."

Tracy got up from under the table, sighing.

"Thanks Ash. I really couldn't deal with her today - tell me, how come you made friends with that psycho?"

Ash narrowed his eyes at Tracy who back off. He sighed and sat down, "Well, she was the only one who wanted to be friends after Gary spread all those rumours about me."

"Oh yeah." Tracy said, grinning and sitting next to Ash. He squinted his eyes at the boy, "So, I guess it's not true that a herd of Tauros tried to kill when you were five years old, then."

Ash stared at other boy, **"WHO SAID THAT?!?"**

"Oh, it wasn't Gary. Just something I heard."

"It was ONE Tauros and I was seven at the time!"

Tracy just stared at Ash.

At 6:30 precisely, Tracy left to go back to Professor Oak's lab and Ash went to the phone, prepared to call his father, the infamous leader of Team Rocket, Giovanni.

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Giovanni laughed evilly as the Team Rocket executives around him just grinned,

"It's a perfect plan, boss!" one of them called, applauding,

"Absolutely brilliant!" a woman said, jumping to her feet,

"No-one will dare undermine the Rockets anymore!" another one called,

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Giovanni rose his glass, "A toast!"

They all followed suit.

"To the greatest plan ever-" Giovanni started,

"Boss?" came a weak cry from the back of the room.

Giovanni turned to look at who had called him, "I said," he whispered, dangerously, "that we are in the middle of something here."

The man shuddered, took the last breath he thought he could take and then said, "But boss, your son is on the phone."

Giovanni's expression changed. He blinked and then groaned, "For the love of f- Ash!"

His son's face appeared on the huge screen, "Hi dad!"

"Ash, is there a reason you are calling me?" Giovanni tapped his foot impatiently, the glass of wine still clutched in his hand, "I'm kind of busy at the moment if you haven't noticed."

"Ahh!" Ash smiled, "A meeting! So, what's your plan for world domination this time?"

"Ash-"

"Mutant Pokémon?"

"Ash-"

"Crazy Robots?"

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"Ash-"

"Crazy Mutant Pokémon Robots?"

Giovanni snapped, **"ASH!!!"**

"Hm? Yes, dad? What is it?"

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"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME FOR?"

"Oh yeah, mom's away on holiday and there's this thing in school. Is your timetable free?"

Giovanni rummaged in his pockets, taking out random miscellaneous things as he did so, "Hm... nope." a paperclip, "That's not it." a pencil, "How long has _that_ been there?" an old piece of gum that was going green. The executives blanched. Giovanni took out a small black book and flipped through the pages, "Meeting. Meeting. Meeting. Ooooo! Golf!"

An executive suddenly stood up, waving a golf club that seemed to have come out of nowhere, "I'm gonna kick your ass, boss!"

Giovanni ignored this outburst and continued to look through the book, "Meeting. Meeting. Bail Butch and Cassidy out of jail. Aha! I'm free in six months. I'll see you then."

"**WHAT?** Dad, this thing is tomorrow!"

"I am busy tomorrow."

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!" Ash whined,

"No."

Ash started sniffling. Giovanni's left eye twitched, involuntarily. The executives just blinked, stupidly.

"Ash, I am too busy-"

"But you've gotta come!" Ash cried, tears forming at his eyes, "You're my daddy! I-If I don't bring you then-then I'll got expelled an-and I'll never be able to train Pokémon again! You're a lousy father!"

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"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?" Giovanni shrieked, he threw the glass and shards went everywhere,

"If you were a real father, like Tally's-"

"Who the **HELL** is Tally?!?"

"**SEE? **This is exactly what I'm talking about!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Tally's my friend - not like you'd know. You're never around!"

**"ALRIGHT, I'LL COME!"** Giovanni screeched, clenching his fists.

Immediately, the tears disappeared. Ash smiled, "Thanks dad! Oh and try to wear something that would be deemed as normal. Bye! See you tomorrow!"

The screen went off. There was silence. Someone coughed. Giovanni glared at the executives, just daring for one of them to make a move. A light was switched on.

"So, is this meeting over?"

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"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

The executives started tripping over each other in an attempt to get away from the enraged Team Rocket leader. One of the executives smiled, "Nice son ya got, boss." Giovanni twitched.

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From somewhere outside of Viridian City gym, people could hear random shots of gunfire and screaming.

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Next chapter: Friday (a.k.a 'Bring Your Parents To School Day') 

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Ash is horrified at his father's clothes:  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?"  
"You said normal. I wear these clothes all the time."  
"Well, yeah, that's the problem."

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Giovanni meets Tally's father:  
"Hello, you must be Ash's father!"  
"And you must be completely insane."

Giovanni doesn't get along with Miss Avery:  
"You must be Mr. Ketchum."  
"Rocketto."  
"What?"  
"My son and I have different surnames."  
"Oooookay then."

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Giovanni insults everyone he can find:  
"You're fat, you're completely drunk, I'm not even going to start on _you_!"  
"Oh God, this is not happening. La la la la la la la la la!"

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And a fight breaks out between Giovanni and Ash's headmaster:  
"YOU CALLED MY SON A _WHAT_?!?"

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Ash is seriously going to need some therapy when the day is over - that is, if he survives the total embarassement. 

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**~JennyRogue**


	2. Things Just Went From Bad To Worse

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour  


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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Author's Notes: I didn't write the part where Giovanni insults everyone, although he does insult Miss Avery. *giggles* If the last part didn't make you laugh, this surely will! ^_^ Reviews! Yey! Thank you! Please keep reviwing! ^.^

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Chapter 2 : Things Just Went From Bad To Worse

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"Ash! **ASH!**"

Ash looked up from his breakfast to see Tally knocking at the door, grinning like a headless chicken. Professor Oak closed the newspaper and smiled at Ash,

"I'll be heading back to the lab now, alright Ash?"

Ash nodded, not really interested in his breakfast. Professor Oak knew exactly what was troubling the dark haired youngster and gave him a sympathetic smile, "I'm sure your father won't embarrass you, Ash." the heir of Team Rocket rose an eyebrow at him. Professor Oak chuckled nervously, "Much." he added truthfully. Ash groaned and slammed his head on the table. "And that's my cue to leave." Professor Oak said, running out of the back door. Tally entered, grinning at Ash,

"Hi Ash! My dad will be here soon," Tally was oblivious to Ash's dilemma, "When's your dad getting here?"

Ash groaned again, "How about never?"

Tally giggled, "Not looking forward to this, are you?"

Ash stared at her, "No, you think?" he said, sarcastically.

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Ash and Tally waited patiently for Giovanni to arrive. Or at least, Tally did. Ash was pacing around the garden, mumbling. 'And people think I'm insane...' Tally thought to herself. As Ash's watch read 8:30, the boy was horrified as Giovanni's big black limousine parked outside the house. Ash turned and smacked his head against the wall, wondering for a brief moment is he could shoot himself now before the day got any worse.

"Whoa..." came Tally's astounded voice, "Ash, your father owns a limousine!"

Ash threw his hands up in the air, "Well DUH, Tally!" he turned back to the limousine, prepared to scream like hell at his father - there was no way that he was going to school in a limousine, for crying out loud, "Dad, I need to talk to you - **HOLY CRAP, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?!?**"

Giovanni blinked at his son in confusion and then at the red/orange (A/N: I could never tell what colour it was) suit he was wearing, "You said normal. I wear these clothes all the time."

"Yeah, well, that's the problem."

"Hey, Ash," came Tally's voice, "why are there little Rs on the car?"

Ash stared at his father, horrified, "YOU DIDN'T?!?"

"What?!?"

"TAKE THE SYMBOL OFF THE DAMN CAR!"

Giovanni backed away from his enraged son, "O-okay."

After the Team Rocket symbols had been removed from the limousine, Ash decided to introduce his father to Tally and her father - Mr. Evans had just arrived. Tally's father stepped forward and offered his hand in friendship, "Hello, you must be Ash's father."

Giovanni stared at Mr. Evans. The man was shorter than his daughter and balding, but this wasn't half as weird as the clothes he was wearing - a pink t-shirt with little Eevee decorated around it, a pair of blue shorts and flip-flops. Giovanni struggled to keep a straight face, "And you must be completely insane."

Mr. Evans blinked and chuckled, "No! I'm Tally's father!" the man looked at his watch, "I think we should get to the school now. It wouldn't be proper arriving late."

"It wouldn't be proper to arrive in those clothes, either." Giovanni muttered. Ash stepped on Giovanni's right foot, causing a howl of pain from the Team Rocket leader and a satisfied smirk from his son. Giovanni glared at Ash, "What the hell was that for?!?" Ash didn't respond, "Hey, Ash?" Giovanni started, still staring at Mr. Evans, "Is that the guy that you wanted me to be more like?"

"Yes."

"God help us all."

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As the limousine parked into the school car-park, students froze and stared, shocked, wondering who would come out of it. Ash groaned and slid down in his seat.

"Daaad!" he cried, "This is embarrassing!"

"What, you want me to trade my limo for a station wagon just because you don't want people to know that **YOU'RE THE RICHEST KID IN THE SCHOOL?!?**"

"Pretty much." Ash said

"Just get the hell out of my car."

Tally smiled and opened the car door on her side. Ash felt like crying when he heard Tally's eager voice shout, "Hey, guess what? Ash is a millionaire's son!"

Giovanni patted his son on the back, "Now you won't have to say anything."

Ash sighed and stepped out of the car. He looked up and saw the frozen expressions of shock on his fellow students faces. These faded into looks of absolute horror when Giovanni stepped out of the car,

"Hey, isn't that the Viridian City Gym Leader?"

Ash turned and slammed his head on the car roof, almost crying in desperation.

"Ash!" Giovanni yelled, "Stop acting like an idiot!"

"No, this is acting like an idiot." Ash said, standing behind Giovanni. Ash mimicked stabbing Giovanni in the back of the head. Giovanni twitched. Ash mimicked kicking his father's ass. A vein appeared in Giovanni's forehead. Ash mimicked a bomb going off on his father's head. Giovanni snapped, "COME HERE YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Ash eepeed and bolted off into the school while Giovanni chased him insanely.

Blink. Blink.

Tally sweat-dropped.

Mr. Evans sweat-dropped.

Everyone sweat-dropped.

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"Welcome students and parents-" Miss Avery stopped as the door slammed open and Giovanni walked in, Ash slung over his shoulder,

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"LET GO OF ME!" Ash shrieked, **"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'LL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY DO FOR A LIVING!!"**

Miss Avery stepped forward, eager to stop the racket, "Hello, you must be Mr. Ketchum."

The only thought going through Ash's mind right then was, 'Oh no.'

Giovanni twitched. "Rocketto."

Miss Avery blinked, "What?"

"My son and I have different surnames."

Miss Avery stepped back, "Oooookay then."

Giovanni took the seat next to Tally and her father, Ash still slung over his shoulder,

"Dad, you wanna let me down, please. You've been embarrassing me all day."

"What? I haven't embarrassed you."

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"WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW IS EMBARASSING!"

"Excuse me!" Miss Avery said, putting her hands on her hips, "Mr. Ketchum, Mr. Rocketto. Can you please be quiet!"

"Oh put a lid in it!" Giovanni snapped,

The class gasped. Miss Avery dropped her jaw in astonishment, "E-excuse me? What did you say?!?"

"God, it's no wonder these kids don't learn anything from you." Giovanni stated, as if it was a fact,

'Oh no, this isn't happening...' Ash twitched, kicking his father's chest in an effort to be let down AND to get him to shut up. Giovanni blindly ignored him and began telling the teacher how much her lessons sucked. With every sentence that came out of his father's mouth, Ash winced and realised that he was going to get expelled. After Giovanni's speech, Ash looked up at Miss Avery who stared at the two of them, shocked.

"Isn't my dad a great guy?"

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"Hello, Mr. Rocketto, please do come in."

'Oh this is just GREAT.' Ash twitched. His father's behaviour in the classroom had had repercussions - in other words; they had to go and see the headmaster, the most boring guy Ash had ever met in his life. 'This is going to crash and burn.' "CRASH AND BURN!" Ash shrieked, jumping onto a table.

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"GET OFF THE TABLE!"

"Yes sir."

"Mr. Rocketto," the headmaster started, "quite frankly, I'm not surprised that you have behaved like this. After all, your son has had the worst grades in the history of this school, and his teacher, Miss Avery, is appalled by his attitude in class which contains," the man looked down through Ash's file, "Falling asleep in class, no respect to the teachers. I could go on and on." he put the file down, "Your son is on the brink of expulsion."

"Look pal," Giovanni snarled, slamming his hands on the desk, "I am a gym leader. I can get my son into any school in the Kanto region, I can pay for a tutor if I want. I can pay for someone to blow your brains out and-YES, what is it Ash?"

Ash was pulling on his father's sleeve, nervously, "Uh, I don't think you should be telling him that."

"Well it's true!"

"I don't appreciate being threatened in my school, Mr. Rocketto." the man said, calmly.

"I don't appreciate people bitching at my son for no apparent reason."

'O-okay, I am so out of here.' Ash got up and left, deciding to go and find Tally.

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"Tally! Tally!"

Ash waved his hands, frantically, grabbing the young girl's attention. Both Tally and her father were in the canteen. Tally waved at Ash and he went and sat down at their table,

"Where's your dad?"

"Don't know, don't care." Ash stated, sucking on the apple juice he'd just bought and making a face, "Last I heard he was talking to Skinner." (A/N: Sorry, couldn't think of anything original - don't own The Simpsons). Tally shrugged and watched as a gang of kids pushed a donkey through the canteen (A/N: *giggles* Sorry, saw that on Teachers (don't own that either))

Suddenly there was a cry of; "Fight!" A boy ran in, screaming, "SOMEONE'S DAD IS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF SKINNER!"

Ash twitched, dangerously. Tally blinked, and went back to eating her sandwiches, "You know, Ash, maybe you should get that sorted out. It could be a tumour." Ash threw his head down on the table and screamed bloody murder. He then ran out, following the playground fight chant. Tally blinked, "Wait a second. Ash's dad was last seen talking to Skinner... there's a guy fighting Skinner..." it took her another twenty seconds before it all clicked together. "I gotta see this!" she zoomed after Ash.

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The scene that met Ash when he threw open the doors made him realise he was never going to have a normal life in school again. Giovanni John Sakaki Ketchum Rocketto was currently beating the shit out of Skinner who was a bloody pulp. Ash winced as Giovanni and Skinner swore at each other like no-one had swore before. The kids and their parents were all gathered around the two. The kids were cheering them on while the parents just stood there looking like this: O.O They weren't even bothering to cover their kids eyes from the violent fight.

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"YOU CALLED MY SON A WHAT?!?" Giovanni shrieked,

Ash ran over to the two, "Dad!" he cried, trying to tear his father away from the fight. After this was proven pointless, he stepped back prepared to let the fight run it's course. Tally was, of course, was cheering them on. Let's delve into what they were thinking at that precise ...

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Ash: 'Oh God, what have I done? It would have been easier to get expelled, but _NO_, I had to invite Mr. Rocket Boss to school... my life sucks...'

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Tally: 'Oh yeah, this is so cool! Ash looks like he's gonna throw up. Why is that bee flying upside down? I'm hungry. Why did I leave my sandwich in the hall? Hey, where did dad go?"

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Giovanni: 'Dude, this guy's a wimp!'

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Skinner: 'Mommy, help me!!'

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Ash noticed something drop out of Giovanni's pocket - his cell-phone!

"Yes!" Ash grabbed the phone and urgently called Team Rocket headquarters, "Hello... yes, it's me Ash... look, just get a limo, put two bodyguards in it and get the down to Pallet Town Comprehensive School right away... it's urgent! ... **IF I DON'T SEE THAT LIMO IN TEN MINUTES THEN YOU'RE FIRED - GOT IT?!?**" Ash screamed, threw the phone to the ground and jumped up and down on it. He then grabbed a large rock and threw it on the phone. He looked up to see that everyone was looking at him - hell, the fight had even stopped. Ash looked at his father and was freaked out to see tears welling up in his eyes. Giovanni ran to his son and starting hugging him, fiercely, "That was your first anger attack!! You're gonna need those when you take over the family business!!"

Ash blinked and smiled nervously at the crowd, "I attend anger management therapy."

Everyone took a large step back. Then the limo arrived. Ash pushed his father into the back, got in and started bashing his head repeatedly against the back of the car-seat. Giovanni blinked and awkwardly patted Ash on the back.

"There, there, Ashton."

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"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"That was your second anger attack!! In one day!!"

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Next chapter: Aftermath

I haven't really decided what's going to happen in chapter 3, but it will contain the following:

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Ash: "WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?!?"  
**Giovanni:** "I'm the leader of Team Rocket, how NORMAL can I get?"

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Delia: "I'm home!"  
**Ash:** "YOU'RE NEVER LEAVING ME ALONE AGAIN!"  
**Delia:** "O-okay then..."

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~JennyRogue


	3. Aftermath

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue

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Rating: PG Genre: Humour

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Author's Notes:The original story was going to be three chapters long, but I've had a few more waves of inspiration so I have decieded that this story will be made up little stories all connected to this first one (maybe 20/30 chapters?). Some stories will be only one chapter long while others might up up to ten chapters long. Well, here's the third chapter. Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming! ^_^

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Questions + Answers:  
1) Misty and Brock: This story is set after the Houen League, but I don't know all of the events that happen in the Advance league so Misty and Brock are in their own hometowns - maybe they'll appear in one or two of the future chapters - I haven't decided.  
**2) Gary:** Him and Ash become friends again after the Johto league (*barfs*) but I simply like writing them as rivals. And Gary seems like the kind of person who would spread rumours like the ones mentioned in chapter 1.

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Chapter 3 : Aftermath

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Needless to say, it was an awkward drive back home. Both the Team Rocket leader and his son were silent as the limo drove away from the school. The two bodyguards and the driver knew better then to speak. Ash was completely dumbstruck at his father's behaviour. Giovanni was acting as if he had done nothing wrong. Giovanni turned to look at his son,

"So-"

"No."

"Hey-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Ash-"

"What part of 'No' is so difficult for you to understand?"

Giovanni looked away. There was an awkward silence for another minute until Giovanni tried again,

"Ash-"

"NO!" Ash snapped, "Listen to me, you publicly embarrassed me in front of all my fellow classmates. Do you realise exactly what the hell happened."

Giovanni stared blankly at his son,

"Okay, you arrived in your 'I'm-gonna-take-over-the-world' clothes when I _SPECIFICALLY _asked you to wear something normal,"

"This is normal!"

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"SHUT UP!"

Giovanni shrank back,

"Then you made a spectacle of yourself, chasing me through the school."

"**HEY!** You're the one who made those obscene gestures. Do you really think I would've ignored that?!?"

"**THEN!**" Ash screamed, "You insulted my teacher." he narrowed his eyes at his father, "Should I even start about the fight with Skinner?"

"That man was so gay!"

Ash hit breaking point, **"WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?!?"**

"I'm the leader of Team Rocket, how _NORMAL_ can I get?"

"Oh I dunno," Ash said, sarcastically, "you could always pretend."

"Why pretend to be something I'm not?" Giovanni scowled, "Like when you pretend that you're not going to take over the Rockets when you're older."

Ash let loose a string of swearwords that Delia would have been horrified to hear her son say. Giovanni smirked, evilly, "Be careful Ash, hot red tempers always flow through our bloodlines. It's what makes us strong leaders."

Ash looked out of the window, deciding it would be easier to let this one go. Giovanni always had a comeback for everything his son hit him with. Silence ruled supreme for a few minutes until Ash saw something hovering over the school,

"Dad...?" Ash started,

"Yes son?"

"Is that one of your blimps flying over the school?"

The limo stopped. Giovanni looked over his son's shoulder,

"Hm... I believe it is."

"Didn't you try to kill me in a blimp?"

"No, I was trying to kill Jessie and James."

"Ah..." silence "So, why is there a blimp over my school?"

"Don't know, don't care." Giovanni turned to the driver, "Keep going."

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Half an hour after Ash and Giovanni returned back to the Ketchum residence, there was an urgent knocking at the door; "It's open." they both called. Tally ran into the room. The girl was covered in dirt, her hair sticking out all over the place and she was grinning as if she'd just had the greatest time of her life. Giovanni rose an eyebrow at the girl while Ash just stared, "Uh... Tally, what happened?"

"Team Rocket invaded the school and took everyone hostage!!"

Ash glared at his father. Giovanni gulped,

"GIOVANNI!!!" Ash shrieked, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!?"

Giovanni chuckled, nervously, and sunk low in his chair. Ash gave a strangled cry and leapt for his father. Tally blinked and watched as the son tried to kill his father and they wrestled on the floor,

"Ash, can I use the bathroom?"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"Thanks!"

After Tally had cleaned herself up, she went back downstairs to see the two of them still at it. Somehow, Ash's Pikachu had gotten involved and there was just a cloud of dust where the three were kicking at each other and screaming. Tally sat down, deciding it would be easier (and safer) to let them ride this one out. A few minutes later, the door opened and Professor Oak and Tracy entered - and froze when they saw what was happening.

"Want some popcorn?" Tally asked, shoving the bowl directly under their noses.

Professor Oak blinked and slowly walked out of the house. Tracy accepted the popcorn and sat down with Tally. Another few minutes passed and Pikachu had been stepped on, causing the electric mouse to fire up a thunderbolt. Everyone had been charred by the attack - except for Tally.

"H-how c-come you d-didn't g-get s-shocked?" Tracy asked, stuttering as his vision slowly came back to him,

Tally smiled and pointed at her head on which she had placed the bowl of popcorn. She didn't seem to mind that there was sugar all in her hair, "I used the bowl as a protective shield!"

"F-fascinating..." Tracy fainted.

Ash and Giovanni glared at each other, before keeling over backwards and fainting like Tracy had. Tally blinked and giggled, psychopathically.

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(A/N: And here's the two-way conversation - my favourite way to write stories! ^_^)

"So why DID you send the blimp over to the school?"

"Revenge. Why else? I hate that Skinner guy and I want to see his school burn to the ground."

"I GO TO THAT SCHOOL!!"

"... And?"

"I hate you."

"Awww!! I love you too Ash."

"Don't make me use Pikachu again."

"Your Pokémon has passed out, along with that Sketchit kid and the crazy girl."

****

"WHAT?!"

"Apparently, finding out that your best friend's father is the leader of Team Rocket was a little bit too much for them to process."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?!"

"When was I supposed to tell you? When you were kicking the crap outta me?"

"..."

"Exactly."

"Oh, shut up." silence "You do realise that your antics have probably given the school course to expel me."

"Just say the word and I'll have them killed for you."

"No thank you dad, if I've said this one, I've said this a thousand times; I don't want to get caught up in your crazy gangster world."

"Aw, but Ash, it's your birthright."

"No freakin' way."

"..." silence _(A/N: This is where it gets slightly crazy)_ "Hey, Ash, wanna go skinny-dipping?"

****

"WHAT THE F**K?!?"

"It was a joke, kid."

"It better bloody be as well!" silence "Eww... I just got a mental image..."

"You're thinking about me naked?"

"NO!!!"

"Well, better you then Mewtwo."

****

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?"

"I said nothing."

"Like hell you didn't!!"

"..." silence "Well, do what you want, I'm going skinny-dipping."

Ash shuddered and wondered briefly if it would be easier is he passed out like the others. He decided upon it and grabbed some chloroform from only God knows where.

****************************************************************************

The door opened and a smiling Delia walked in, "I'm home!" The smile faded when she saw her son crouched up in the corner rocking back and forth. Ash's eyes snapped up and locked onto hers. Delia braced herself,

****

"YOU'RE NEVER LEAVING ME ALONE AGAIN!" Ash shrieked, getting up and smacking his head against the wall.

"O-okay then..." Delia backed away from her crazy son and looked into the living room. Tracy was passed out on the sofa, Pikachu on the television and Tally on the floor. Then Delia noticed her ex-husband's infamous red suit draped over the back of the chair. Her right eye twitched,

"Why is your father here?"

"Parent teacher thing in school."

Uh oh.

"Why are his clothes here?"

"How the hell should I know?!?"

"ASH!"

"He's gone skinny-dipping."

Suddenly they both heard a cry of, "I'm free! I'm free as a bird! Tra la la, la la, la laaaaaaaa!!!!!"

Ash twitched, "Now I have to repress another memory." he clamped his hands over his ears, "I'm at Disneyland."

****

"I'M FREE!!!!"

****

"DISNEYLAND!!" _(A/N: Heheh...sorry, don't own the Simpsons)_

Delia slapped her head in frustration.

****************************************************************************

****

~The End~

Jenny: "And wai-hai! That's the end-"  
Ash: "Thank God."  
Jenny: "-Of story 1."  
Ash: "NOOOOOOOO!!!" *falls down and twitches*  
Jenny: *kicks Ash with her boot* "It could be worse."  
Ash: "How? You made me a psycho in Darkness and this is even worse than that!"  
Jenny: *shrugs* "I could always pair you up with one of the following: Bayleef, Mewtwo, _Lugia_?"  
Ash: "OH DEAR GOD, NOOO! I'll be good!"  
Jenny: *pats Ash's head* "Good boy."  
Ash: "I am NOT your puppy!"  
Jenny: "Here's the trailer for the next chapter of 'Family Problems' otherwise known as 'Lets Torture Ash'."  
Ash: "I HEARD THAT!!"  
Jenny: "You were supposed to!"  
Ash: "*O.O*"

****************************************************************************

**Next chapter:** Consequences

Ash has been expelled from Pallet Town Comprehensive and Delia is blaming the whole fiasco on Giovanni (and with good reason) - so now, Giovanni had the responsibility of educating Ash. Uh oh...

****

Giovanni decides to 're-educate' his son:  
"What the hell is this?"  
"That would be your schoolwork."  
_"THE TEAM ROCKET CODE OF CONDUCT?!?"  
_"And your point is?"

****

And Ash gets the shock of a lifetime when he interrupts one of Giovanni's meetings:  
"HOLY CRAP ON A STICK, WHAT IS THIS; A SUPER VILLIAN CONFERENCE?!?"

Am I the only one who thinks that this is **NOT** such a good idea...?

****************************************************************************

Jenny: "I need more ideas for future chapters!!!"  
Ash: *starts bribing reviewers with Pokémon plushies to NOT give Jenny ideas*  
Jenny: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"  
Ash: *hides Pokémon plushies* "Nothing!"  
Jenny: "IS THAT MY RAICHU PLUSHIE?!?"  
Ash: *remembers that Raichu is Jenny's favourite and gulps* "H-how did that get there?"  
Jenny: *hugs Raichu plushie* "The Raichu plushie is your God, bow to it."  
Ash: "Hell no."  
Jenny: *flames surround her* "BOW TO IT!"  
Ash: "All hail the mighty Raichu plushie."  
Jenny: "YOU'RE NOT MEANING IT!!"  
Ash: *cries* "Daddy! Help!"  
Giovanni: *smacks Jenny with a Umbreon plushie* "Run Ash!"  
Ash: *Does just that*  
Jenny: "MWAHAHAHAHAH!!! DIE! DIE!" *chases after them with the plushie bazooka (tm)*  
*After everyone's calmed down...*  
Ash: "..."  
Jenny: "What now?!?"  
Ash: "You're an idiot."  
Jenny: *makes a Snorlax fall directly on top of Ash* "What did you say?"  
Ash: *x_x*  
Jenny: *smiles* "That's better! *turns to reviewers* Review! *puppy-dog eyes* Please? *snaps* FEED ME REVIEWS!!!"  
*Everyone trips over each other in order to get away from the crazy girl*  
Ash: "Please review or I'll end up paired to Lugia..."  
Jenny: "Actually, that ain't a bad idea..."  
Ash: *passes out in terror*

****************************************************************************

****

~JennyRogue


	4. Consequences

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S

JennyRogue

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Rating: PG Genre: Humour

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

****

Author's Notes: Ash doesn't intrude on Giovanni's meeting in this chapter, he does in the next one though! Gary, Meowth, Domino, Mondo, Jessie and James all appear briefly in this chapter. And Archie and Maxie! *squeals* I am an Archie/Maxie shipper so... from now on there is going to be a few yaoi hints between Archie and Maxie. Hmm... maybe I should up the rating to PG13...? And yes, I do realise that I make Star Wars references in almost every fic I write so **DO NOT** point it out to me. ^_^ Keep reviewing, it makes me really happy! :) 

Comletely off the subject but ... I FINALLY GOT POKÉMON 4EVER! Vicious is so damn evil and now that I now what his personality is like, he is going to be in the next chapter!

**Cosmic Mewtwo** I actually added that Mewtwo line after reading your Gio/Mewtwo fic. :) Mewtwo will definetly be appearing in this fic soon and I don't think he's going to happy when he learns that they boy who saved him is the son of the man who made his life a living hell. 

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Chapter 4 : Consequences

****************************************************************************

When Ash walked into the classroom on Monday morning, he got a different response to when he usually walked in. Usually, the other students would completely ignore him when he walked in. But that fateful morning after what had happened on Friday; well...

Ash walked in to the class and the room went completely silent. Tally took a big step away from Ash as everyone stared at the son of the man who had hospitalised Skinner. Silence reigned supreme for a few moments until someone started clapping. Ash went many different shades of red as the class went insane and began cheering and screaming his name.

"Way to go Ash!"

"You rule Ketchum!"

These and other phrases like it were screamed at Ash as he sank into his seat in embarrassment.

"Hey, Ash!!"

"Gary?" Ash looked up, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Gary snickered and punched Ash lightly on the shoulder, "I heard about what happened on Friday."

"Yeah, you and the entire country by the sound of it..."

Suddenly Ash's teacher, Miss Evans, walked in, with a look to kill. Needless to say, everyone shut up.

"Mr. Ketchum." Miss Avery started, with a forced smile on her face.

Ash gulped and, if it were possible (which it was) sunk even lower into his chair, yelping as he fell out of it.

****************************************************************************

Delia Ketchum smiled as she began her walk back from the department store in Viridian City. Her life was perfect, well, as perfect as one who used to be married to the leader of Team Rocket and ended up having his son, could be. Nothing could go wrong - not today. That's what she was thinking a few seconds before she tripped over something. Delia yelled and looked down. She froze when she realised that it was her own son she had tripped over.

"Ash?"

The dark haired teen looked up at her and grinned, "Hi mom."

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

Ash flinched under her gaze and smiled nervously, "Uh... remember what we talked about on Saturday?"

Delia sighed, "I'll call your father."

****************************************************************************

Giovanni was not having such a good day in headquarters. First of all, Jessie and Cassidy had had a bitch fight resulting in half of the canteen being burned to the ground, Mondo had gone on a sugar high and was somewhere in New Mexico and ... Meowth was currently doing the Macarena with Persian?!? Giovanni smashed his head on the desk as the two cat Pokémon danced around him.

"Why the hell did I hire such lunatics?"

Then the phone rang. Giovanni eagerly ran to the phone to get away from the madness around him and gulped as the enraged face of his ex-wife appeared on the screen,

"Hi Delia..."

"Giovanni, thanks to your antics, our son has been expelled from school."

"Ah..." Giovanni said, nodding, "I see. And you want me to?"

"You are in charge of his education from now on!" silence, "And you better make a damn good job of it!"

Giovanni fell into submission, "Yes ma'am."

Delia scowled and hung up. Giovanni looked back at Meowth who was staring at him with an unreadable look on his face, "Dat was da twerp's mother!"

"And you've finally realised, Meowth?" Giovanni said, sliding down into his chair,

"DA TWERP IS YOUR SON?!? HOLY COW! I gotta tell Jess and Jim about dis!" the cat Pokémon ran off out of the room.

Giovanni suddenly smirked evilly, "This is it! My chance to turn my son into the true heir of Team Rocket!! I will teach Ash to be like me and he will have no choice!!" he laughed out loud and practically skipped from the room.

Domino blinked as she watched her boss dance with a grunt and then run down the stairs screaming at the top of his lungs, "...I gotta get another job." she shook her head, "The people I work with are complete and utter idiots."

****************************************************************************

"So, Giovanni's gonna be the one who has to teach you?"

"Yep."

"You know, Ash, I wouldn't trust my future to the leader of Team Rocket."

"Neither would I, but, as it seems, I really don't have a damn choice in the matter."

"I feel really sorry for you, pal."

Ash sighed and looked at Tracy,

"The man doesn't have a clue about Pokémon training."

"How come?"

"Well, there was that little fact that he stole all the Pokémon he owns, he has no sense of right and wrong, and, oh yeah, before I forget; **HE'S THE BOSS OF TEAM ROCKET**!!"

Tracy laughed nervously, "Oh yeah..."

There was honk of a car from outside,

"That's the limo..." Ash said, grabbing his backpack and heading outside,

Giovanni stepped out of the car, looking very _VERY_ agitated. The leader of Team Rocket narrowed his eyes at the two boys. Tracy hid behind Ash who stared at the Pokémon watcher, one eyebrow raised looking not unlike his father.

"You know, Ash." Tracy said, "There are sometimes when you really look like him."

Ash ignored that comment and climbed into the limo. Giovanni glared at Tracy who gulped and stepped back away from the boss of Team Rocket. Then Tracy saw the evil grin on Giovanni's face and ran into the house screaming.

"Do you have to do that?" Ash yelled,

"Definitely."

****************************************************************************

Ash blinked, "So this is your headquarters."

"Yes," Giovanni said, urgently, pushing Ash up the stairs towards his office, "Now, lets go this way-"

"You've got illegal Pokémon experiments down that corridor haven't you?"

****

"DAMN IT!" Giovanni swore, "How in the HELL did you find out about that?!?"

Ash blinked and pointed to a sign that said "Illegal Pokémon Experiments this way" with various doodles of scientists slicing up Pokémon around it.

Giovanni twitched, **"MONDO!"**

"Hail Giovanni!" came a cry and suddenly a boy about Ash's age tripped down the stairs. He got up and immediately bowed low to Giovanni, so that he had fallen on the floor again, "Mondo is here to do your bidding!"

Ash sweat-dropped,

Giovanni pointed at the sign, "What the HELL is that?"

Mondo looked at the sign and smiled, cheerfully, "You wanted a sign that would tell our members what was down there. Didja like it?"

Giovanni grabbed his son's arm and forced him up the stairs away from the hyper boy. Ash burst into an hysterical fit of laughter when they got into the office. Giovanni narrowed his eyes at Ash who was hyperventilating on the floor,

"Ohgod...." Ash cried, "who the hell was that?"

"You don't want to know."

Giovanni grabbed a file and threw it at the boy's head. Ash scowled and opened the file. He blinked, "Uh...what the hell is this?"

"That would be your schoolwork." Giovanni said, sitting down behind his desk

**__**

"THE TEAM ROCKET CODE OF CONDUCT?!?"

"And your point is?"

Ash glared at his father and slammed the booklet on the table, "I'm a Pokémon trainer, not a Rocket in training!"

"Fine then!" Giovanni snapped, "Just sit and be bored for all I care, because that's the work I've set you and you're either gonna do it or nothing at all!"

Ash screamed and kicked his father's desk, "I hate you!!"

Giovanni smirked.

****************************************************************************

Ash carelessly flipped over the pages of the Team Rocket code of conduct, not really reading it. Giovanni was busy working. Ash ignored the various swear words from his father and used the code of conduct to fan himself. That was when Ash heard to screaming voices from down the hall. He cautiously looked at his father who was twitching and clutching onto his pen. The pen broke and the nib went flying in Ash's general direction. Ash eeped and ducked. The nib slammed directly into the wall and made a hole. The two screaming voices got louder and suddenly the door slammed open,

"GIOVANNI!!!"

Ash raised both his eyebrows at the two men who had entered. Well... this day just got a hell of a lot more exciting. Archie and Maxie, the leaders of rival teams Magma and Aqua had just entered. Giovanni sighed and looked up at the two,

"Archie. Maxie. Is there a problem?"

They both started talking at the same time,

"Tell Archie to stop his ridiculous 'raise the water' plan-"

"Tell Maxie to stop his ridiculous 'raise the land' plan-"

Giovanni twitched, **"LADIES!"**

They both stopped gibbering and looked at Giovanni. Ash gulped and rose the code of conduct to hide his face.

"Please meet my son, Ash."

Ash sighed and smiled at the two whose eyebrows shot off into their hair when they saw him,

"Hi Archie. Hi Maxie." Ash said, waving at the two dumbstruck men.

Giovanni stared at his son, "You know them?"

"Unfortunately, I do."

Archie seemed to have found his vocal chords, "Your son?!?" he screamed, "That's one of the kids who foiled our plans back in Hoenn!"

Ash laughed and scratched the back of his head, nervously.

"Ash..." Giovanni growled,

Ash ducked low in his chair.

Giovanni sighed and led the two off to the meeting room. He glared at his son,

"You stay here."

"Right."

"Ash, are you listening to me?"

"Hm..."

"Look at me, no not at the wall, at me."

"Yes?"

"Pay attention!"

"I AM!"

"Right, I want you to stay here."

"What?"

"STAY HERE!"

"All right, I heard you the first time."

Ash growled and looked away. Giovanni turned and face Maxie and Archie who had unreadable looks on their faces,

"I'm gonna give you one piece of advice," Giovanni said as he led Maxie and Archie away. He suddenly stopped and grabbed the two of them, "Never. Have. Kids." he let them go and walked away, whistling to himself.

"Don't worry." Archie started, "I'm not planning too."

"What?" Maxie said, staring at Archie and grinning, "You telling me we're never gonna adopt a kid together?"

****

"SHUT UP!" Archie roared,

"You're probably right though," Maxie pondered aloud, "Any kid of ours would probably need therapy."

Archie glared at Maxie who chuckled, absentmindedly,

"How the hell did I get roped in with you?"

"Heheh..."

At this point, Giovanni's eyes bulged out.

****************************************************************************

Seventy-three ceiling tiles.

Ash was bored.

Seventy-four ceiling tiles.

Ash was really bored.

Seventy-five ceiling tiles.

Ash was really _REALLY_ bored.

Seventy-six ceiling tiles.

"This sucks."

Ash looked around the room and his eyes focused on the desk and the chair. He blinked and looked at the door, grinning, and then he sat down in Giovanni's chair. Ash giggled and clicked on the intercom to the secretary,

"Hello?"

"Yes Giovanni?"

'Oh God!' Ash bit back a laugh, 'She thinks I'm Giovanni!' he blinked as he realised the startling truth behind what he'd just said, 'Am I that much like my father?' Ash shook his head,

"Hi."

"What do you want boss?"

"Um..." holy crap, what DID he want? Well, he could have a bit of fun while he was here... "Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"

Silence.

"B-Boss?" the woman on the other side stuttered, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine." Ash snapped, "Now go and have some fun!" Ash stifled back little insane giggles that threatened to overpower him and clicked the intercom off. Suddenly the door opened and Jessie, James and Meowth were standing there,

"Greeting twerpo!" Meowth said,

****

"HEY!" Ash snapped, "I'm sitting in the boss's chair. No calling me a twerp here!"

Jessie blinked, "Your the boss's son...?"

James shrieked happily, "Oh my God! I saw this on Star Wars!"

Jessie stared at her idiotic partner, pulled out a mallet and whacked him around the head with it, "James, you are not helping!"

Ash laughed, "Oh man... I've been on that end before. Not pretty."

"So twerpo." Meowth started. The heir of Team Rocket glared at the cat Pokémon who sweat-dropped, "Uh... I mean Ash. How come you da boss's kid anyway?"

Ash stared at the Pokémon in shock, "Don't tell me you need the Butterfrees and the Beedrills talk, Meowth?"

"What?" the cat Pokémon blinked, "Eww! No thank youse, I'm just saying dat, youse knows. How long have you known?"

Ash shrugged, "Forever."

"Wait a darn second." Jessie slammed her hands on the desk, "You knew even when we were following you?"

Ash nodded, "Yes." he sighed, "Look, I am not my father, if that's what you think."

Jessie and James stared at the dark haired kid,

"So... why are you sitting in the boss's chair then?"

Ash turned three hundred different shades of red.

****************************************************************************

****

Next chapter: Run Ash Run!!

Giovanni has a very important meeting with some of the villains from the Pokémon world including Archie, Maxie, Jirarudan and Vicious. And for someone like Ash to get involved in this... well, you know it's not going to be very pretty...

****

Difficult re-introductions:   
"HOLY CRAP ON A STICK! WHAT IS THIS? SUPER VILLIANS ANONYMOUS?!?"

****

Jirarudan gets trigger happy:   
"Come on out O Chosen One, I'm not going to hurt you ... much."

****

And Giovanni?   
"I am so not here... I am so not here..."

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~JennyRogue


	5. Run Ash Run!

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

*shrugs* I forgot to do the characters ages so here they are:   
Ash: 14   
Giovanni: 36   
Delia: 35   
Tally: 14   
Tracy: 15   
Gary: 14   
Domino: 16   
Mondo: 15   
Jessie: 20   
James: 20   
Archie: 28   
Maxie: 28   
Jirarudan: 32

**Ash:** Lookie! She lives again!  
**Jenny:** *twitches* Shut...up... I had writer's block.  
**Ash:** No, you've been watching Teen Titans.  
**Jenny:** *grits teeth*  
**Ash:** *grins* Why don't you do a review count?  
**Jenny:** _WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL?!?_  
**Ash:** Heheh...  
**Jenny:** *sighs* Lesse... 31 reviews?!? *on the verge of having a heart attack*  
**Ash:** What the hell is wrong with you?  
**Jenny:** 31!  
**Ash:** And?  
**Jenny:** That's the most I've had on any story here on ff.net!  
**Ash:** I thought you had more on the first version of Darkness.  
**Jenny:** *shakes head wildly* 31 reviews for only four chapters! :) Heheh...  
**Ash:** Hold on... *stares* what happened to you?  
**Jenny:** *smirking* What do you mean?  
**Ash:** *points to Jenny's tail* When did you get that?  
**Jenny:** I messed around with my DNA! *smiles stupidly*  
**Ash:** *slaps forehead* Why the hell did you do that?!?  
**Jenny:** I wanted to be a Raichu!  
**Ash:** *shakes head*  
**Archie:** Are we getting on with the story or not?  
**Ash:** _WHAT THE F-?!?_  
**Maxie:** Ooooo... I see you made good use of the DNA-mixer, JR.  
**Ash:** JENNY!!!  
**Jenny:** What?  
**Ash:** What are they doing here?!?  
**Jenny:** Didn't I tell you? They're my new muses!  
**Ash:** *faints*  
**Jenny:** *O.O* *pokes Ash* O-okay then...lets go along with the story shall we?  


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Chapter 5 : Run Ash Run!

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A bored Ash and an ecstatic Meowth were currently searching through a secret room they had found in Giovanni's office. The room was full of boxes and boxes of paperwork that Giovanni had 'lost' a.k.a 'hidden so he didn't have to do them' through the years that he had been the leader of Team Rocket. Giovanni had been the leader of Team Rocket for twenty years so there was a LOT of paper. Indeed, Ash was definetly bored. What he really wanted to do was go to his father's meeting. Well... not attend it, but to spy on it. There was a problem with that though - he had no idea where the meeting room was.

Jessie and James had left before because of an emergency... something about Mondo getting stuck in the pipes or something like that. Meowth had not want to get involved - and Ash personally didn't blame the cat Pokémon. Ash sighed and threw a booklet away without looking at it.

"Meowth, wanna go do something fun?"

"Like what, Ashyboy?"

Ash glared at Meowth. The cat Pokémon gulped and backed away,

"Don't call me Ashyboy."

"R-right..."

Ash made a paper aeroplane out of a piece of paper and threw it at Meowth. He got up and walked back into Giovanni's office, then sat down on the big chair and threw his feet on Giovanni's desk. Ash yawned and looked at the Team Rocket code of conduct,

"I'm so bored that even my work looks interesting..." Ash blinked, fully realising what he had just said, "...oh man, I've gotta find something to do."

Meowth shrugged, "I'll take youse on a tour of HQ."

Ash grinned, "Right now, anything is good."

Ten minutes later, Ash wished he had stayed in his father's office. After being attacked by six executives, nine grunts and three scientists simply because he wasn't wearing a Rocket uniform. And then there had been the part where Cassidy and Butch had chased after him with very scary weapons until Meowth had pretty much forced them apart... then there was the simple fact that Meowth was **E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y** boring.

"And here's our room." Meowth said smugly as he opened the door to the room-

"Just a little bit further, it's coming, I can feel it."

"You're squishing my hand!"

"Oops... sorry. HEY!"

"Watch out, NO!"

"Ohgod, I'm stuck, go get something."

"You want me to help?"

****

"MONDO?!?"

All three of them screamed. Ash's eyes had bulged out. Meowth closed the door quietly.

"Uh... forget you heard that, alright?"

"I've already wiped it from my memory. Short and long term."

Meowth shook his head and they continued walking through the HQ,

"There's da canteen, da mission room, da meeting room, da gym, da-"

Ash stopped, "Hold on, what was the last one?"

"Gym?"

"No, before that."

"Meeting room?"

"Brilliant!" Ash grinned, "Meowth, you can leave now. Go back to your room or something."

"What makes youse thinks I wanna go back there?!?"

But Ash had already zipped up to the door. There were muffled voices coming from inside. Ash smiled and opened the door to the meeting room, "Dad, I-" Five faces turned and looked at him. Ash blinked, **"HOLY CRAP ON A STICK! WHAT IS THIS? SUPER VILLIANS ANONYMOUS?!?"**

Not only were his father, and the leaders of the Hoenn rival teams were there, but so was The Iron Masked Marauder a.k.a Vicious and Jirarudan, the man who had almost destoyed the world with his goal to capture the legendary Lugia. Giovanni looked pissed while Jirarudan and Vicious looked shocked. Archie looked plain bored and Maxie was snickering to himself,

Ash suddenly had a vision... (freakin' hilarious)

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~*~ Ash's Vision ~*~

Giovanni stands up in a room. The banner 'Super Villians Annonymous' can be seen. The room is full of every badguy from every show/animé/film/game etc. you can think of.

"Hello, my name is Giovanni and I am a supervillian."

"Hello Giovanni!"

****

~*~ End Ash's Vision ~*~

Ash shuddered (note to self: never think of anything that f****d up ever again...), looked into the pissed off face of his father and smiled, "Uh... hi!"

"Ash, would you mind?" Giovanni asked,

"But I'm bored!" Ash cried,

****

"THEN SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"

Ash proceeded to sit down next to his father. Archie and Maxie were glaring at each other. Jirarudan was glaring at Ash was a slightly crazy look in his eyes. Ash gulped... and suddenly Archie and Maxie were screaming at each other

"Water!"

"Land!"

"Water!"

"Land!"

****

"PEOPLE!" Giovanni yelled. The two rivals looked at the boss and blinked, "We are supposed to be an organisation here, we do not fight with our team mates!"

They blinked in perfect unison.

"Water!"

"Land!"

"Dad, I think you should just leave them to it." Ash said,

****

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Archie leapt at Maxie and threw him to the ground.

Giovanni slapped his forehead in frustration.

It had been a mistake to come here. Ash turned and came face to face with Jirarudan who was smirking evilly at him, "Hi." Ash squeaked,

"I never really got over that whole Lugia incident." Jirarudan said, as he literally stalked around the boy who was about to wet himself with fear,

Giovanni's eyes popped out of his head, "Jirarudan, are you telling me that MY SON is the chosen one?"

Ash grinned apologetically at his father,

"You little baka!" Giovanni yelled, grabbing Ash, "What else have you been hiding from me?!?"

"Dad..." Ash cried, "You're choking me..."

Giovanni let go and the three of them (Ash, Giovanni and Jirarudan) all sat down next to each other at the same time while Maxie and Archie rolled around on the floor. Vicious (who seemed like the only sane one there) just rolled his eyes.

. . .

And Jirarudan lost it. Right there.

****

"YOU'RE MINE CHOSEN ONE!!"

Ash didn't wait for confimation of what was going through Jirarudan's mind right there. The plan consisted of him and a few choice torture devices. Not surprisingly, he bolted out of the meeting room and down the corridor with a slightly drooling Jirarudan right behind him, leaving stunned grunts in their wake.

Giovanni slammed his head on the table and almost cried, "I am so not here... I am so not here..."

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Ash screamed and ran into a dark cupboard. He sighed,

"Thank Lugia I found this place in time."

"Do you mind?"

Ash yelled and jumped back. A light was switched on and Ash stood there with both eyebrows raised,

"Archie?"

The leader of Team Aqua smiled nervously at the heir of Team Rocket.

"You don't have Maxie attached to your hip." Ash observed, "That's new."

There came a snicker from somewhere close to Ash,

Archie sighed, "Who said I didn't?"

Ash looked down and his eyes went wide in horror.

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Grunts froze when they saw a dark haired kid bolt out of a cupboard with his hands in the air screaming at the top of his lungs, **"MY EYES ARE BURNING!!!"**

There was giggle from inside the cupboard, "Close the door Archie!"

The door closed and the grunts backed away, wide eyed.

****************************************************************************

Ash gasped for breath as he hid under his father's desk.

"Holy crap..." he muttered, to himself, still wide eyed, unable to get that image out of his head, "That position shouldn't be legal..." he shook his head, "I'm gonna need therapy when this day is over..."

"Chosen one?" came a syrupy sweet voice,

"Damn..." Ash swore, "I forgot about Jirarudan..."

"Come on out O Chosen One, I'm not going to hurt you ... much."

Ash's eyes went wide with fear. He tried to make a run for it. Unfortunately, the psycho collector saw him and the chase was on again. Ash screamed in terror as he was chased by the psycho man.

"DADDY!" Ash screamed, **"HELP!!"**

Jirarudan laughed evilly.

Ash gulped as he reached a dead end. He turned around to see the collector and smiled nervously, "Uh...can we talk about this?" Ash put on his best puppydog face and smiled sweetly. Jirarudan seemed unfazed and was glaring evilly at him,

"Kid; in here!" someone called and a door opened near Ash

Ash ran into the room and the door locked behind him. There was a scream from Jirarduan, the sudden fire of a gun and then they heard Jirarudan's footsteps until the man was gone. The girl who had saved him unlocked the door when she heared that Jirarudan was gone. The traumatised boy was shaking as the girl handed him a cup of hot chocolate,

"I think you'd better drink this up, kid."

Ash took a sip and smiled at his rescuer, "Thank- hey, aren't you Domino?"

The blonde girl nodded. Ash took another sip of hot chocolate, but his hands were shaking too much. The hot chocolate ended up down his pants. He yelled as it burned him. Domino let out some sort of shriek. Ash got up and tripped over Domino, the bedcover rolled off onto them (Domino screamed). Ash yelled like a dog in pain. The door opened... wait - the door opened?

Giovanni ran in. His eyes bulged out as he saw the two rolling around on the floor.

"Domino?"

"Boss?"

"Dad?"

****

"ASH?"

Giovanni stared at the two as their faces appeared from under the cover. Ash and Domino looked over at each other and screamed when saw the complicated position they'd been caught in. Giovanni looked furious, "Ash, you and I need to talk later."

Ash's face reddened, "Dad, we're not- she's not- ... **DAD**!"

Giovanni left. Domino groaned. Ash facefaulted.

"We're not-"

Domino glared at Ash,

"Last time I ever help you."

Ash laughed nervously and bolted out of the room.

****************************************************************************

****

Next chapter: Butterfrees & Beedrills   
Giovanni decides to teach Ash all about 'life' ... and uses Jessie and James to demonstrate it.   
"YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT?!?!?!"   
"I'll give you a bonus in your paycheck."   
"No amount of money is worth that humiliation."   
"I'm gonna fire your sorry asses if you don't get in my office right now!!"

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**Jenny:** *pokes Ash* Um... Ash? Hello...?  
**Archie:** Is he alright?  
**Jenny:** *sighs* I should have told him about you two sooner...  
**Maxie:** Didn't you tell him that we're only here temporarily?  
**Jenny:** I would have, but he fainted before I could say anything else...  
**Archie:** We're just staying here until we get our new place.  
**Jenny:** Yeah, whatever. I only got one more bedroom, so you'll have to share-  
**Archie+Maxie:** We don't mind!  
**Jenny:** *O.O*  
**Ash:** Oh...my head. Where am I?  
**Jenny:** Hi Ash!  
**Ash:** Oh great...YOU! *glares at Archie+Maxie* And you two...  
**Jenny:** It's not forever, Ashyboy!  
**Ash:** *groans and slams head into a brick wall*  


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~JennyRogue


	6. Butterfrees & Beedrills

****

F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

****

Author's Notes: Wow... 44 reviews! *eyes bulge out of head* Ohgod! I write a Drama fic and I barely get any reviews - humour and the count goes shooting up. Thank you all. *big heart eyes*. I love you guys so much!!!

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togepi4eva  
Thanks for the idea. A gym leader's meeting... hm... never thought of that. Although, I've already got the big 'Misty and Brock find out' plot coming. As for May and Masato/Max, I'm not sure how I'm gonna include them... *shrugs* I never really liked May although Max is funny, "Are you SURE we're related?" I snorted my milkshake when I heared that on the Zigzagoon episode. Heheh... the May/Max sibling relationship is exactly the same as mine and my lil sister! ^_^

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Golden Lunar Eclipse  
What are J&J gonna do? *points to this chapter* Well, heheh... it's not gonna be pretty...

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Chapter 6 : Butterfrees & Beedrills

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****

"YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT?!?!?!" Jessie and James stared at their boss with a mixture of looks on their face - anger, shock, fear and absolute terror.

"I'll give you a bonus in your paycheck." Giovanni said, crossing his arms and looking behind the two to see Ash and Meowth sitting down in the other room, quietly. Ash had gone completely pale. Jessie and James looked at each other,

"Sorry boss." Jessie started, "No amount of money is worth that humiliation."

Giovanni twitched and threw his hands on the desk, scaring the crap out of the two Team Rocket agents who clung to each other in one of their loveable 'terror hugs'. In the other room, Ash had heard the noise and screamed, falling out of his chair. Meowth was shaking with terror.

"I'm gonna fire your sorry asses if you don't get in my office right now!!" Giovanni screamed.

Jessie and James looked at each other again, "Alright, then boss. You got yourself a deal."

Jessie sighed as a slightly grinning Giovanni led the two Rockets into his office. Ash had flung himself under the desk,

"Daaaaad," the dark haired boy whimpered, "I wasn't doing anything with Domino, honest!"

Jessie and James looked at each other, eyebrows raised. So _that_ was why Giovanni had asked them in the first place...

"Ash, get up." Giovanni said.

Ash picked himself up from the floor and looked at his father, a look on confusion on his face,

"Has your mother ever told you about what consenting adults do in private?"

Ash blinked,

"S-E-X."

Ash's face reddened, "But Domino and I weren't doing...that...thing...you just caught us a bad time."

Giovanni rose his eyebrows.

Ash winced, "No, what I meant to say was, she saved me from Jirarudan's wrath and was taking care of me while I recovered." Ash pointed to the black pair of trousers he now wore, "She even gave me a new pair of trousers when the other ones got wet."

Giovanni eyes bulged.

Ash buried his face in his hands, "Just shut up Ash, just stop talking." he muttered to himself.

Jessie and James looked at each other eyes wide.

'That is one screwed up father-son relationship.' Jessie mouthed to James,

James nodded,

"Well, Ash," Giovanni regained his composure, "I think it's time we had a father-son chat."

"Yeah, that all nice and dandy dad, but why are _THEY_ here?" Ash signaled to Jessie and James who were looking at each other nervously.

"They are going to help me teach you about sex."

Ash and Meowth's eyes went wide while Jessie and James buried their faces in their hands.

****************************************************************************

Giovanni sat down at his desk and started.

"Well, lets introduce the characters of our story."

The curtains opened showing James who was dressed in a white shirt and black jeans.

"This is James, the hero of our story. He is trying to win the affections of Jessica."

Jessie appeared. Meowth choked with laughter. Jessie was wearing a long pink dress - she looked ready to kill.

"Now," Giovanni said, "James has never liked girls that much,"

"You don't know half the truth." Meowth snorted. Giovanni glared at the cat Pokémon before continuing,

"But lately he has shown an interest in our fair maiden, Jessie."

James gagged. Giovanni glared. James grinned, nervously and made a show of looking down Jessie's cleavage. Jessie's left eye twitched. Meowth was having a hard time trying to keep a straight face.

"Dad, I was not looking at Domino's..." Ash flustered, "...things."

"They're called breasts, son." Giovanni said as calmly as possible,

Ash almost died on the spot. Meowth was dying with surpressed laughter. Jessie had had enough. She grabbed her mallet and swung as hard as possible. James winced and rubbed his head.

"Pervert." Jessie snapped,

Giovanni continued, "So James decides to ask Jessie out."

Silence.

Giovanni twitched, "Hello? 'James decides to ask Jessie out'!"

James got up and said in a flat voice, "Jessie will you go out with me?"

"Fine," Jessie spat, "Cinema, then dinner AND WE'RE NOT GOING THROUGH A DRIVETHROUGH!" she grabbed James, "YOU HEAR ME?!?"

"Jessie, calm down." James choked, "It's only pretend."

Jessie blinked and turned scarlet, "Oh yeah..."

Ash facefaulted.

****************************************************************************

"Isn't this nice?"

"Yes, this has been the most romantic date ever."

Both Jessie and James were saying it as tonelessly as possible, but Giovanni didn't seem to mind. "Then James decides to ask her the big question."

An evil grin arose on James' face, "Would you like fries with that?"

Everyone did an animé fall. Meowth slammed his paws on Giovanni's desk in ecstatic happiness. Giovanni looked VERY angry, "JAMES!"

James grinned, "Sorry." He got down on one knee in front of Jessie, "Will you marry me?"

Jessie's eyes went sparkly, "Oh yes, James I will!" she leapt onto James and started nuzzling him.

"Uh, Jessie!" James said frantically, "It's still pretend."

If Jessie had heard him, she was completely ignoring everything he said and continued to hug him. James blanched. Meowth facefaulted. Ash's eyes went wide. Jessie dragged the kicking and screaming James away. Ash's eyes bulged out. It was then when he realised that his father was still talking,

"-And they did many things that could only be described in an NC17."

"In other words, what Archie and Maxie do every day."

Meowth heard that and snorted with laughter. Giovanni frowned,

"I prefer NOT to know of the sexual orientations of my business partners, Ash."

"Why not? Everyone else knows."

"Ash..."

The phone suddenly rang. Giovanni picked it up,

"Yes, what is it?" Giovanni's face turned to shock horror, "Deoxys escaped!" _(A.N: Deoxys... my favourite legendary Pokémon... after Mewtwo of course! ^_^)_. Giovanni threw the phone down and ran down the stairs screaming, "I'M COMING BABY DEOXYS!!"

Ash and Meowth facefaulted.

"Meowth, I've decided I'm turning gay."

"I don't blame youse kid."

****************************************************************************

Ash ended up an exhausted heap when he returned home that night. The door opened and Delia stood there with a shocked look on her face, "Ash!"

"...M...mom..." Ash almost passed out.

Delia helped her son to the sofa and lay him down. Ash groaned and turned to face his mother,

"Mom?"

"Yes Ash?"

"I am never going to spend another minute in that place."

"So you want your father to come here and teach you, am I right?"

"Yes...please..."

Delia sighed, "Very well Ash, I will call your father." she placed cover over Ash and went to the kitchen to get him a drink,

"You know Ash," Delia started as gave Ash a cup of hot chocolate, "since this is the first time you and your father have really got to know each other in the past few years, you really should give it another go."

Ash sipped his drink, "Mom, incase you haven't noticed, me and him are a complete personality clash." he placed the mug down and looked at her, "He's the leader of Team Rocket for heavens sake."

Delia shrugged, "Even so, he's still your father, and-" her eyes suddenly brightened in a way that meantr bad trouble for Ash. Delia giggled, almost evilly _(A/N: How can someone giggle evilly?!?)_.

Ash facefaulted and backed away when he saw the evil smirk on his mother's face.

"Uh...mom...mommy...?" he laughed nervously, "What are you going to do?!?"

"Ash-" Delia started, "how would you feel about going on a trip with your father."

"Um..."

"Some quality father-son bonding?"

Ash's eyes widened. 'Ohgod **NOO!**'

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Next chapter: This is a REALLY bad idea...

Delia forces Ash and Giovanni go on a trip to sort out their differences.

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Why _NOT_ to piss of a taxi driver:   
"Are we there yet?"   
"No."   
"Are we there yet?"   
"No."   
"Are we there yet?"   
"No."   
"Are we there yet?"   
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME DRIVE THIS THI-!"   
"Bus."   
"AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

****

Hotel problems:   
"Let's look at our choices: 'Dracula's Haunted Hotel' or 'Sunshine Paradise'."   
"Dracula's Haunted Hotel!"   
"...You've never watched a horror film in your life, have you?"   
"What does that have to do with our current situation, Ash."   
*Ash facefaults*

****

Giovanni + Alcohol + Kareoke = Bad:   
"And Ieeeiiii eiiii *hiccup* will always luvvvvvvv yoooooouuuuuu*hiccup*uuuu!"   
"Do you know that man?"   
*Giovanni collapses off the stage*   
"...Never met the guy in my life." 

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****

Jenny: I'm overworking my muses... **  
Ash:** *out of breath* How can you keep up with her? **  
Maxie:** *shrugs* **  
Ash:** Jenny, it was a mistake bringing those two here. **  
Jenny:** Oh calm down, Ashyboy, we have to live in harmony. **  
Mightyena:** *sniffing Jenny's food* **  
Jenny:** Keep that Mightyena away from my food! **  
Maxie:** Okay! **  
Mightyena:** *chomping down Jenny's food* **  
Ash:** ...You were saying? **  
Jenny:** *twitches* Only a few more weeks... only a few more weeks... **  
Archie:** *from bathroom* HELP! **  
Ash, Jenny, Maxie:** *O.O* **  
Maxie:** Arch? Anything wrong? **  
Archie:** Crawdaunt's acting a little strange... **  
Jenny:** *gasps* _YOU DIDN'T PUT HIM IN MY BATHTUB, DID YOU?!?_ **  
Ash:** *facefaults* **  
Jenny:** ARCHIE!!! **  
Mightyena:** *sniffing Raichu* **  
Raichu: *****¬¬**()* **  
Maxie:** Aw, I think Mightyena and Raichu are going to become good friends **  
Jenny:** MAXIE! My Raichu's a guy! Your Mightyena's a girl! **  
Maxie:** *blinks* **  
Jenny:** I am not having baby Poochyenas and Pichus screwing up my house! **  
Maxie:** *O.O* Mightyena return! **  
Mightyena:** *scowls* *returns to pokéball* **  
Archie:** _HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!_ **  
Crawdaunt:** *pulls a screaming Archie into the room* **  
Maxie+Jenny:** *O.O* ARCHIE!!!! **  
Ash:** *O.O()* ...I'm going to my room. *door slams*

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~JennyRogue


	7. This is a REALLY bad idea

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

****

Author's Notes: 59 reviews! *giggles* Thank you! *bows to reviewers* I'm not worthy... I didn't write the Kareoke scene in this chapter - it'll be in the next one though! Lookie! I'm adding reviewers in as background characters! Cosmic Mewtwo and Rowena's Raven were added in this chapter.

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And now to the reviewers:

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Sensei Septile: *O.O* You read my story?!? *squeals* It was your fic 'Dead or Alive' that got me hooked on the Maxie/Archie relationship in the first place! :)

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Golden Lunar Eclipse: J&J married? *points to trailer at end of fic and upcoming chapter 8*

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togepi4eva: Chapter 6 is the end of Ash's adventures in TRHQ... for now. Heheh...

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cosmik: Giovanni and Delia? *shudders* Maybe in the past, but in the present? *is majorly freaked out* Ack... maybe if she was drunk... *lightbulb* oooo! Idea! Heheh...

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Cosmic Mewtwo: We have the same birthday - Sept. 12! ...Why I didn't notice this before is beyond me...

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Zephyr Analea, Mewtwo's Amore: Don't worry... Mewtwo will be making an appearance in chapter 9 and after that he becomes a regular.

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Spruceton Spook: Heheh... I made Ash the perfect little rebel - the only problem is Giovanni _WANTS_ him to be a rebel! ^_^

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Chapter 7 : This is a REALLY bad idea...

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Ash blinked, "So... _how exactly_ did you get dad to agree to this?"

Delia smirked at her son, "I may have downsized the information a bit..."

Ash facefaulted, "You lied to him."

"Yes...and no..."

"What?"

"I told him that we were going on to Hawaii."

"We? As in me, you and him?"

"Yes."

Ash let his lips twist into an evil smirk. Delia blanched at the look on her son's face. Pikachu was about to shock the dark haired boy into oblivion,

"So, simply because dad wants to get into your pants-"

****

"ASH!"

The dark haired boy was on the verge of dying. He forgot his own misery and imagined his father's face when he found out Delia had lied to him. Ash burst into hysterical laughter. Delia and Pikachu sweatdropped.

"Pika chu pika pikachu?" [Are you sure he isn't dying or something?]

Ash took in deep gulps of air but continued to have a grin on his face. Next to half an hour later, they heard the familiar sound of the Team Rocket helicopter coming into land. Delia grimaced,

"He brought the chopper?"

That just set Ash off into another round of hysterics. Delia glared at her son and sighed. Pikachu blinked.

"Pikachu pika pikapi?" [I don't have to go with them, do I?]

The helicopter landed and the door opened revealing Giovanni. Delia dropped Ash's suitcase and her jaw. Ash giggled insanely. Pikachu dropped his face into his hands. Giovanni was wearing his Hawaiin shirt,

"Ohgod..." Ash said, through giggles, "I'm the only sane one here!"

"Chu pikapi." [No you're not.]

Ash glared at his Pokémon, "Geez, thanks Pikachu."

"Pikapi." [No problem.]

Giovanni was acting like a hyper five year-old, "Comeon! Lesgo!"

"Giovanni?" Delia smiled, sweetly,

"Yes Delia?"

"Taxi's here." Ash called.

A yellow taxi had appeared - apparantly out of nowhere. Giovanni facefaulted and yelled when Delia pushed him into the taxi. She then threw two suitcases into the luggage compartment and turned to her son, an evil grin planted on her face.

"Uh oh, what do I do?!?"

"Chu pikapi pikachu pika chupika." [I believe this is the part where you run.]

"Oh, what great help you turned out to be!" Ash screamed,

Five minutes and an almost unconscious Ash later, the taxi was about to set off.

"Well," Giovanni said, grinning at his son, "you always wondered what attracted me to her in the first place."

Ash groaned and effictevely slammed his head on the back of the carseat. The driver turned around and faced them,

"Hi! I'm Erinn, your driver, but you can just call me Cosmic Mewtwo!"

"Cosmic..." Giovanni started,

"...Mewtwo?" Ash finished,

Cosmic Mewtwo nodded,

"Should you even be driving at your age?!?" Giovanni shrieked,

CM giggled and the car zoomed off, **"WOOHOOO!"** CM screamed,

Outside, Delia and Pikachu sweatdropped,

"What's the chance of either of them coming back without a single scratch?" Delia asked.

"Chupika." [Slim to none.]

****************************************************************************

****

Half an hour later;

"Are we there yet?" Giovanni asked

"No." CM replied

They'd been doing this for the last five minutes and Ash pretty much realised that CM was going to burst a blood vessel soon. There were veins popping out of her head.

"Are we there yet?" 

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

That was it; Cosmic Mewtwo lost it right there. She turned to the two in the back, flames surrounding her, **"WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME DRIVE THIS THI-!"**

Ash gulped, "Um... Miss Cosmic, you're about to drive right into a bus."

Everyone screamed. Ash clung onto his father in fear, "Dad, I know I never said this but-"

****

"NOT NOW ASH!" Giovanni screamed.

Cosmic Mewtwo swerved the steering wheel... and drove the taxi straight into a tree.

Everyone gasped for breath... well, except for CM

****

"MY TAXI!!" she screamed and ran out to inspect the damage,

Giovanni winced, "Eh, that'll leave a mark."

CM had a crazed look in her eyes, **"YOU BETTA PAY FOR MY TAXI, MISTER!"**

"I'll send you a limo!" Giovanni yelled, grabbing Ash, their suitcases and running away from the crazed girl,

****

"WAIT, THAT WAS AN INSULT!!" they heard her shrieking two miles down the road.

When the screaming finally stopped they both gasped for breath.

"Uh, where are we?" Giovanni finally asked.

Ash shrugged and reached into his suitcase. He pulled out a poké-navigator and switched it on. 

Giovanni blinked stupidly, "Where did you get that?"

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****

--Meanwhile in Petalburg City, Hoenn Region--

Max had searched everywhere for his pokénav, but finally realised it was gone. He sat down on hit butt and began to scream and cry miserably, sending Norman, Caroline and May running for cover.

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****

--Back to our so called "heroes"--

"You stole it from an nine-year-old boy?" Giovanni's eyes welled with tears, "Ash! I'm so proud of you!"

The dark-haired boy facefaulted... but then again, what had he truly expected? Ash looked at the map,

"We seem to be deep in Johto, near Ectutek City," and Mount Queyna - but Ash didn't tell his father _THAT_ _(A/N: It's a little thing called foreshadowing - deal with it! ^_^)_ "The pokénav says that there's two hotels near here."

"Where?"

"One's called 'Sunshine Paradise' and has a five out of five rating on the nav. The other one's called 'Dracula's Haunted Hotel'."

"What's the rating on that one?"

"Doesn't say. Apparantly, no-one bothered to review it." And with a name like that, Ash didn't blame them.

"Which one's closest?"

"'Dracula's Haunted Hotel', why-" Ash had a sinking feeling, "Ohno..."

"Then the hounted hotel it is!" Giovanni grabbed his suitcase,

"...You've never watched a horror film in your life, have you?" Ash asked as he grabbed his suitcase and trudged after his father,

"What does that have to do with our current situation, Ash?"

Ash facefaulted.

****************************************************************************

For a hotel called 'Dracula's Haunted Hotel' it didn't look too bad. Ash watched as his father walked off with the bags and went to grab a seat by the bar as a brown haired, green eyed girl walked up to him,

"What can I getcha?" Rowena asked, smiling at him,

Ash made a show of looking at the menu. He placed the menu down on the counter and looked up at her, "Anything with alcohol."

The girl facefaulted, "Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"

Ash whipped out his father's ID card. He'd grabbed his father's wallet just as Giovanni had left to see the rooms. Rowena's eyes narrowed, "Very well, Mr. Giovanni." she turned to the person, or rather, Pokémon beside Ash, "And what do you want, cutie?"

Ash sweatdropped, "Ah, you do realise that's a Pokémon, don't you?"

Rowena glared at Ash as the Raichu looked up and said, "Get me another ketchup martini, damnit!"

Ash fell off the barstool in shock

"Okie-dokie!" the girl went behind the bar.

Ash stood up and looked at the Raichu, "You...talk...?" he stated weakly,

"No." the Raichu said, sarcastically, "I used my psychic power to transmit my thoughts onto your brain,

"But..." Ash whispered, "...Raichu's aren't psychic..."

"You idiot."

"I am NOT an idiot!"

"You are too." Raichu said as he took the ketchup-drink from the girl and drained it, "Another."

"Raichu," Rowena started, "you've gone over _WAY_ your limit."

Now, obviously, it was very bad idea to piss off a drunken electric rat. A moment later, the half charred girl was serving Raichu his 16th ketchup martini... or was it 17th? Ash had left his drink untouched after seeing what the alcohol had done to the Pokémon beside him.

"Well, actually," Raichu slurred as he drained his glass, "You aren't as stupid as my pathetic excuse for a trainer."

Ash looked up, "And where's your trainer?"

Raichu pointed towards a teenage girl who seemed to be about Domino's age. The brown haired girl was currently inhaling the wall. Ash facefaulted. Raichu rolled his eyes,

"Chad!" he called, "Chad Smith!!"

The girl ignored Raichu and continued to drool all over the wall. Raichu turned to look at Ash who had a dumbstruck look on his face

"You value your sanity?"

Ash nodded.

"Don't ask."

"Right."

Raichu grabbed his drinks and downed it, a sudden glazed look had started over his eyes

"Now," he slurred, lightning sparking out of his cheeks, "I'm gonna go make out with that cute little Jigglypuff over there." he jumped off the stool and immediately fell over, "G'night mommy..." Raichu fell asleep.

Rowena sighed, "There goes another one."

Ash squinted at the ketchup martini glass, "Note to self:" he muttered, "never ever let Pikachu drink ketchup again."

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AND THE CRAZY GIRL WITH THE RAICHU WAS MEEEEEEE! *dies laughing* Apparantly I was trying to eat the walls the first time I ever got drunk *shrugs* And I'm begging you - don't ask about the Chad Smith thing. It was a bad nickname that pretty much stuck with me.

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Next chapter: One Crazy Holiday

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Giovanni + Alcohol + Kareoke = Bad:   
"And Ieeeiiii eiiii *hiccup* will always luvvvvvvv yoooooouuuuuu*hiccup*uuuu!"   
"Do you know that man?"   
*Giovanni collapses off the stage*   
"...Never met the guy in my life."

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Surprise:  
"We pulled a double wedding with Cassidy and Butch!"

****

And Ash and Giovanni go shopping:  
" 'Dear mom, - thanks for screwing up what little normality me and dad had left. When I get home, I'm going to kill you. Love your doting son, Ash.' "  
"Somehow, I don't think she'd appreciate a death threat."

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Ash: *surpressing laughter*  
**Jenny:** Ash, are you alright?  
**Ash:** *dies of laughter*  
**Jenny:** *O.O* ARCHIE! MAXIE! We have a code 1484! Get me the first aid box!  
**Archie+Maxie:** HAI!  
**Jenny:** *turns to reviewers* Dear god, it's the end of the world. Ash actually _LIKED_ this chapter... *shakes head* please review! Arch? Max? Get me my chainsaw!  
**Ash:** _WHAT?!?_  
**Jenny:** I think it's only fair to warn you - I have absoulately no idea what I am doing.  
**Ash:** Ohgod, I'm gonna die...  
*Sounds of screaming are heard*  
**Archie+Maxie:** *go white with terror*  
**Ash:** _HELP MEEEEEE!!!_

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~JennyRogue


	8. One Crazy Holiday

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

****

Author's Notes: 76 reviews! :) I love you guys so much! *cries* You know, I didn't realise this until I reread chapter 7, but... I made Ash a kleptomaniac! XD *giggles* I had very bad writers block on this... *shakes head* I think I rushed this chapter... if it seems like that, I'm really sorry.

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Reviewer time:

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Zephyr Analea, Mewtwo's Amore - Don't worry; I'M confused and I wrote the damn thing. Heheh...

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Coffee Luv - You wanna be in the chapter? Okie-dokie! ;D

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cosmik - Everyone's gotta love Gio! *huggles Giovanni plushie* Also, on that idea *dies* BRILLIANT! :) I never thought of that. *writes down 'Ash's first date' for definite future chapters*

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Cosmic Mewtwo - Mewtwo coming next chapter... *giggles* if you thought Ash and Gio were dysfunctional before then you ain't seen NOTHING yet!

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Chapter 8 : One Crazy Holiday

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After a very boring meal in which Giovanni consumed maybe a little bit too much sugar, Ash and Giovanni were about to go to their room when a poster caught Giovanni's eye,

"Hey Ash!"

"What now?!?"

"Look!"

Giovanni grabbed Ash's arm and practically shoved his son's face into the poster. Ash surpressed the urge to wince and rubbed his nose before looking at the poster,

'Kareoke Night - Tonight; from 8:00pm to 2:00am'

Ash had a sinking feeling, "Dad?"

Giovanni was virtually bouncing up and down, "Canwego? Canwego? PLEASE?!?"

Ash sighed before turning to his hyperactive father, "You know, the whole point of this relationship is that I'M the child and YOU'RE the adult!"

"..."

Ash was deeply disturbed by the look of confusion on his father's face,

"YAY!" Giovanni ran to the bar and sat down asking for a bottle of tequila. Ash sighed and decided to leave his father at the bar, going back to their room.

He opened the door to their room and froze.

"It's your turn, Articuno."

"Zapdos, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Will you guys shut up??"

"Oooooooo!"

"Look, Moltres is getting testy."

"I think he's molting again."

Ash slammed the door shut just as a particuarly hot flame shot his way. A wide-eyed Ash ran for his life. Why on earth the legendary birds were there just confused the hell out of him. Ash ran back down to the bar and looked out of the windows as a large thunderbolt shot across. An icebeam followed immediately after. Ash shook his head and turned around to see who else was here. That Raichu and her trainer were here, Rowena was long gone. But there was no sign of Giovanni. Ash's blood ran cold as the person on the microphone began speaking,

"Now, to welcome our first competitor."

-First sacrifice-

"Giovanni Rocketto!"

-Ohgodno!-

Giovanni grabbed the microphone and slurred into it, "I'mgonna... besinging I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston."

-I should've stayed with the birds...-

Giovanni coughed and the music started up. From the first few seconds, Ash was wincing terribly. Giovanni's singing was _HORRIBLE_ and completely off key.

"If I should (hiccup) stay... I would only be in your (hiccup) way.

So I'll go but I know (hiccup) I'll think of you... **EVERY STEP OF THE** (hiccup) **WAY!**"

Ash slid down into his seat so no-one could see his reddening face.

"And Ieeeiiii eiiii (hiccup) will always luvvvvvvv yoooooouuuuuu (hiccup) uuuu!"

That was the moment when some random person tried to stop Giovanni from torturing everyone. The person in question jumped onto the stage and started wrestling Giovanni for the microphone.

There was a giggle from beside him, "...Do you know that man?"

The guy finally grabbed the microphone from Giovanni who curtsyed to the dumbstruck audience before getting his foot stuck around the cable. Giovanni screamed and fell back, collapsing off the stage and into the audience. Ash facefaulted,

"Never met the man in my life."

"Ah... right." a nod, "You can call me Coffee Luv."

Ash facefaulted - what was it with all this people? First Cosmic Mewtwo, then Rowena and now Coffee Luv. He shook his head. Coffee Luv chuckled. Suddenly, a Mightyena jumped through the crowd and bit Giovanni on the ass.

Ash went wide eyed.

Coffee Luv burst into hysterical laughter.

Giovanni screamed and ran around in circles with the Mightyena still clamped on his bottom.

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****

--The Next Day--

Ash glared at his father as they went trudging through Ectutek City.

"I don't see why we have to go shopping."

Giovanni shrugged, "I promised Domino something nice."

Ash's eyes widened, "For the love of Lugia, are you two _dating_??"

Giovanni glared at Ash, "NO! We are NOT dating!" he narrowed his eyes, "Besides, Delia would be expecting at least a postcard."

Ash snickered, "Yeah I can see it now; 'Dear mom, - thanks for screwing up what little normality me and dad had left. When I get home, I'm going to kill you. Love your doting son, Ash.' "

"Somehow, I don't think she'd appreciate a death threat."

They were passing by a fairly decorated church. Giovanni sighed,

Ash rolled his eyes, -Here it comes...-

"Son, did I ever tell you about when your mother and I got married-"

"Yes."

"-It was back in 1984..."

Ash plugged in his personal stereo and turned the volume up loud. He grinned as Linkin Park's Meteora blared through his ears, nodding at Giovanni's tale as if he could hear it.

...

...

...

Ash was pulled out his dream world when Giovanni ripped the earphones out of him. The enraged Team Rocket leader grabbed his teenage son and began screaming at him. Ash was about to wet himself in fear of his father's wrath. Then the doors to the church opened.

And an ecstatic Jessie pulled James through the doors of the church.

Ash and Giovanni's jaws fell - James was wearing the wedding dress _(A/N: Like you expected anything else *giggles*)_

"We pulled a double wedding with Cassidy and Butch!" Jessie said

Cassidy and Butch walked through the doors - wearing the right clothes - thank goodness.

James looked at Giovanni and Ash, 'Help me.' he mouthed as Jessie pulled him away,

"Well..." Giovanni said as soon as he got the use of his vocal chords back, "...I know who wears the pants in THAT relationship."

"You only just realised?" Ash snorted,

Giovanni glared at his son. Cassidy and Butch went walking past. Cassidy shrugged, "Jessie was getting married so I figured, just go with the flow."

Butch was screaming, "I'm gay! I'm bloody gay! I had sex with Tyson just last night!"

Ash and Giovanni fell - animé style.

"I so did not want to know that..."

Unknowingly to Ash, Giovanni had snatched the pokénav off him and had found Mount Queyna on the map. And being the evil (but idiotic) man he was, (and that he remembered Mewtwo) -Note to self: thank scientists for having that file on Mewtwo- Giovanni had prepared a little trip. He and Ash were going to Mount Queyna to re-capture Mewtwo... um... well... at least they'd try.

-Damnit! This time I WILL succeed!-

Giovanni tripped and collapsed into a pile of mud. Ash burst into hysterical laughter. Giovanni gave his son a death glare.

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Yes, it the chapter you've all (*cough* Cosmic Mewtwo *cough*) been waiting for: MEWTWO!!!!

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Next chapter: Enter Ye Mewtwo!

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Giovanni and Ash go to Mount Queyna:  
"Dad, this is a REALLY bad idea..."  
"What's the worst that could happen?"

****

Holy Ho-ohs, is this family is dysfunctional or what?:  
"I CREATED YOU!!!!  
"..."  
"..."  
"DOES THIS MEAN THAT MEWTWO IS MY BROTHER?!?"  
*Mewtwo does an animé fall*

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Jenny: Heheh... this should be good.  
**Ash:** Ow...  
**Jenny:** *blanches* Keep that thing on ice, will you?  
**Ash:** I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CUT OFF MY FINGER!  
**Jenny:** Heheh...  
**Ash:** *glares*  
**Jenny:** Okay, I don't usually do this ... but ... PLEASE READ MY FIC, ELITE! *gasps for breath*  
**Archie:** *O.O* What's wrong with her?  
**Ash:** She wrote a Lance/Tyson fic and it only got 2 reviews.  
**Maxie:** *winces*  
**Archie:** The fact that it only got two reviews or the pairing itself?  
**Ash+Maxie:** *snicker*  
**Jenny:** *glares at them all* I can kick you all out if I want.  
**Ash:** You wouldn't kick me out.  
**Jenny:** Oh? Try me.  
**Ash:** I've got nowhere to go.  
**Jenny:** Not working.  
**Ash:** And I'll sue you for that malpractice you did on me last chapter.  
**Jenny:** *smiles nervously* I love you Ash!  
**Ash:** Damn straight... *winces* damn that hurts.

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~JennyRogue


	9. Enter Ye Mewtwo!

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Jenny: It's here!  
**Ash:** The one you've all been waiting for.  
**Archie:** *bored* Yey.  
**Maxie:** *hyper* GROUP HUG!! *grabs them all*  
**Archie:** Alright, who fed 'im sugar?  
**Jenny:** ...Can't...breathe...  
**Ash:** Let go of the aythoress Maxie.  
**Jenny:** *gasps* It's the arrival of-  
**Mewtwo:** *runs in* MEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *disappears*  
**Ash, Archie + Maxie:** *o__O*  
**Jenny:** *¬¬()*  
**Archie:** ...Is that normal?  
**Jenny:** *sighs* Unfortunately, yes.

****

All the people who asked to be in the chapter:  
Marcel Meganium, togepi4eva, Cosmik, Thunderstorm2, Ryu the Weredragon  
Well... I'll add you, just not in this chapter. This one's solely reserved for Mewtwo! ^_^

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Cosmik: I LOVE your ideas! ^_^ "Ash's first driving lesson" is a definite but I'm not sure about the Lance thing. Maybe if Giovanni sends a Rocket to try and kill Lance - with epmhasis on the try.

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Thanks for the reviews - keep 'em coming! ^_^

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Chapter 9 : Enter Ye Mewtwo!

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"We're going the wrong way!"

"We are NOT going the wrong way!"

"We are too!"

"Are not!"

"ARE TOO!"

"ARE NOT NOT NOT!!!"

Ash grumbled and followed his father up the steep slope, -Damn, this place sure does look familiar- Ash shook his head and sighed, sitting down to catch his breath.

Giovanni turned to look at Ash in surprise, "What are you doing?!?"

"Taking a breather, do you mind?"

Giovanni scowled, "You've been travelling the world since you were ten, how can you be tired out already?"

"Maybe because during my travels, I was never forced to go hiking up a mountain! I went at my own pace!"

Giovanni blinked and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly. He then growled and sat down beside his son, waiting for the boy to catch his breath. Ash scooted away from his father almost immediately. Giovanni noticed this and stared at his son, shocked, and maybe a little hurt,.

"Why do you hate me?" he said in a too quiet voice.

Ash blinked. Well... that was new.

"Is it because I lead Team Rocket?" Giovanni was on the verge of whimpering.

"No." a pause, "YOU BROKE MR. FLUFFY!" (A/N: His Persian plushie! ^_^)

Giovanni blinked, stupidly. Wha-?! Oh. Now he remembered. Immediately his temper began to flare.

****

"YOU WERE BARELY SIX MONTHS OLD!!"

"I have a long memory."

Giovannu snorted, "Obviously." then the reality of it all hit him, "Wait, you've been holding a grudge because I broke your favourite toy BEFORE YOU COULD EVEN WALK?!?"

There was an awkward silence. The only other sounds was the roar of the waterfall and the cried of the Butterfrees flying above.

"Damn, and I thought I was paranoid."

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"Fly on the wings of love."

"No."

"Fly baby fly!"

"No."

"Come on Ash! Reaching the stars above."

****

"NO!"

"Touching the sky!"

"How many times do I habe to say no before I evantually snap and kill you, leaving your rotting carcass for the hungry Pokémon who live here."

"Pokémon don't eat human flesh Ash."

"They will once I'm through with you."

Giovanni blanched and continued to walk up the steep cliff with a slightly faster pace than his son. Once out of range from Ash, Giovanni smirked. -Damn, he's like a minature me.-

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Mewtwo ........ Insert a clap of thunder right here folks.

Yes, this great purple titan of terrorwho struck fear into the hearts of all who met his wonderful psychic ass (and inspired many fangirls in the process). The infamous clone of Mew whom was coming to in the worst possible way ever.

"My head hurts..." Mewtwo blinked, "Damn, I am NEVER going clubbing with the legendaries again."

"Move over precious."

His high and mightiness screamed bloody murder as he noticed 'the pink one' lying next to him.

****

"OH MY GOD!!!"

"Dude, you slept with your mother!" Lugia laughed,

"...Did we...?" Mewtwo asked fearfully,

Mew glared at Mewtwo and then at Lugia, "I am NOT his mother." there was an awkward silence, "Second cousin, thrice removed, perhaps..."

"Oh God, I'm going to be sick..." Mewtwo muttered, rubbing his temples. Mewtwo yelped when he felt something brush his leg, "What the-?!?" he grabbed whatever it was and pulled it out, "Celebi??"

"Who the hell are you?!?" Celebi slurred before collapsing into Mewtwo's arms and falling asleep causing Lugia and Mew to snicker, mindlessly.

Mewtwo glared at them."Does anyone other than me realise that we just had an 'orgy' as the humans call it."

The snickering stopped and the three friends stared at each other, stricken.

"This changes everything." Mewtwo said gloomily, ignoring Celebi's snoring.

Mew looked away ashamed. Lugia smacked Mewtwo in the face with his tail feathers. Mewtwo stared at Lugia shocked,

"Sorry 'two, I always wanted to do that." Lugia snickered, "That shouldn't make horny, but it just did."

"Dude, that's just wrong." Mew said, staring at Lugia disgusted,

Mewtwo's eye twitched.

****************************************************************************

A sickening wave crashed into Ash as he realised where exactly they were. Or maybe it had something to do with the constant shrieking and the shadow balls being fired randomly. Ash looked over at Giovanni, "Father-sama!" he literally 'flew' over and tackled his father to the floor as a shadow ball went their way. They were both thrown into the water. Giovanni blinked, and for once, his eyes weren't full of evil or downright stupidity, but an almost childlike joy.

"Ash, you saved- wait." Giovanni eyes popped out of his skull, "Did you call me 'father-sama'?!?"

"I would have to be possessed and slash or brainwashed to call you such a name that shows uttermost respect from a child to his or her parents."

Giovanni blinked and stared at his son. It was one of this awkward father-son moments. He couldn't pass it up. Giovanni grabbed Ash's shoulders and pulled the boy to his chest, "Thank you."

"You're hugging me."

Giovanni quickly let go and patted Ash on the head. There was an awkward silence.

"I just crossed a line, didn't I?"

"Oh yeah."

There was a sudden shriek and both father and son looked p to where they saw Mewtwo kicking the literal crap ot of Mew, Lugia and the now comatose Celebi. Giovanni had the decency to cover his son's eyes.

Mewtwo stopped when he heard Lgia weakly mutter, "You have an audiance, lovely."

Mewtwo ignred the pet name and glared down, **"HUMANS?!?"** In fact, one looked a little like Giovanni... but it couldn't be - the man was wearing a Hawaiin shirt. Mewtwo narrowed his eyes, **"HOLY CRAP ON A STICK! IT _IS_ GIOVANNI!!"**

Mewtwo couldn't help himself - he burst into hysterical laughter. **"OH MY GOD!!" **he collapsed onto the ground, slapping his paws in ecstatic happiness. Giovanni glared at the dying clone and then at his son who was trying (and failing) to surpress his snickering,

There was a sudden silence.

****

"CHOSEN ONE!!!" Lugia shrieked and flew straight for Ash. The boy in quesion screamed and ran off while the legendary Pokémon apparantly tried to eat him. Well, either that or he wanted to glomp the boy senseless.

Mewtwo looked at Giovanni and then at Ash, "Okay." he said, "The guy who made my life a living nightmare and the boy who saved me."

Giovanni nodded, "Yes, he's my son."

Mewtwo's eyes popped out of his head, "Go figure."

"I saw this on Star Wars!" Mew cried, flying down to Mewtwo who smacked his original on the nose,

"Mew you are NOT helping!" (A/N: I'm going to be repeating this line a lot! ^_^)

Giovanni sweatdropped.

****

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!"

They turned to look at Ash as he disappeared into Lugia's feathers. Giovanni gave a half amused, half disturbed choking sound.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Mew said.

No-one noticed Celebi who was slightly fading.

Mewtwo sighed, "**DOWN LUGIA!** Put the kid down before you kill him."

Lugia obliged and Ash emerged looking slighlty flushed.

"Ash? Giovanni asked, fearfully,

The boy collapsed into his father's arms, "Hold me."

"Oh look, more Celebi." Mewtwo said as about 100 Celebi descended from the sky (A/N: LOL! Pokémon 4ever flashback! ^_^). Lugia and Mew didn't see the miracle behind them. They were too busy awwing at the awkward father-son moment.

Celebi blinked after being brought back to life (and being sobered in the process). "Shit........" she perked up, "That was fun, can we do it again?"

"50 bottles of tequila won't get me in bed with you again!!" Mewtwo shrieked, waving his hands around as if proving a point.

Ash and Giovanni fell - animé style.

"Well SORRY!" Mew huffed as she led away a tearful Celebi, "Come on, let's go and drown your sorrows, BiBi."

Lugia glared at Mewtwo, "Spoilsport." the three Pokémon vanished.

. . . . . . . .

"Well..." Giovanni started after a few moments of complete silence, "That was...awkward."

Mewtwo glowered, "State your business, Giovanni."

Giovanni smirked, "You were created for Team Rocket. You belong to me Mewtwo. Come peacefully and none of your little friends will get hurt.

Mewtwo sent Giovanni about 1000 death galred, "Do you know how much I care about my 'friends' as you call them." he rose his paw and moved his fingers so that they were slightly touching, "About this much."

Giovanni snapped, **"I CREATED YOU."**

There was an awkward silence as man and clone stared at each other.

And man's son / clone's saviour put 2+2 together.

****

"DOES THIS MEAN THAT MEWTWO IS MY BROTHER?!?"

Mewtwo facefaulted.

Giovanni smirked, "Yes, you're right Ash. Mewtwo is sort of like my second son."

"But! But!" Mewtwo spluttered,

Giovanni nodded, "It was my money which funded the project."

"And led me into a life of unimaginable torture." Mewtwo pointed out.

"There's pizza!" Ash said, "A lot of pizza."

"Well...yes..." Mewtwo said, grudgingly, "The pizza is good...and I do like coffee."

****

"WELL!" Giovanni said, snapping his fingers, "It's official! Welcome to the KetchumRocketto family line!" he hugged both of his 'sons'.

Mewtwo sweatdropped, "What have I got myself into?"

"You're still hugging me." Ash said in an eeriely calm voice.

****************************************************************************

Delia smiled as she and Mr. Mine cleared up the house, "It's so peaceful not having Ash here again. Maybe I should send him and Giovanni on more family holidays together." There was an awkward silence in which no-one even moved. "Or not." Delia said sheepishly.

There was a knock on the door.

"Ah, that must be Samueal and Tracy." she practically skipped over to the door. Her smile disappeared faster then the hot chocloate in the authoress' house, (A/N: I drink well over 10 cups of hot chocolate a day! ^_^)

"Ash? What are you doing home early?"

Ash pointed to down the road where his father and new apointed 'brother' were walking towards the house. Both of them were singing:

****

"Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini!"

"That she wore for the first time today!"

"Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini!"

"So in the locker she wanted to stay!"

"Oh. My. God." Delia's eyes went the size of Hoothoots.

"Mom, meet my little brother, Mewtwo."

"Little brother...?" Delia fainted, dramatically.

Ash sighed, "I am never going to live this down."

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Next chapter: ROAD TRIP!!!

What happenes when you put the leader of Team Rocket, his easily agitated son, a hyper girl, a Pokémon watcher and the infamous clone of Mew in a car together? I'm not sure either but I can tell you one thing - I certainly don't wanna be on the road that day.

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Jenny: It's the return of my oc, Tally!  
**Ash: **LUGIA GLOMPED ME?!? *faints*  
**Jenny: ***o__O* Please review!

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~JennyRogue


	10. ROAD TRIP!

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Author's Notes: Over 100 reviews! ^_^ How'd I know tha you'd all love chapter 9? Heheh... 

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vainamoinen - I hate Pokémon bashing fics. Why waste your time writing about something you don't like? It confuses the hell outta me. As for your questions, the legendaries probably won't follow Ash around, but Mewtwo will be living in the same house as Ash. As for the other's reaction, they're in this chapter.

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Cosmic Mewtwo - Yes, I'll mention you in one of the future chapters. 'Sibling rivalry' heck, that's why I put Mewtwo in the story in the first place!

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Zephyr Analea, Mewtwo's Amore - I'm not sure about that idea. I don't think Ash would rob a bank... maybe if it was just Gio & Mew2 and Ash sees them;  
"What ARE you doing?"  
"Um... *hides bags of money* ...nothing."  
"*O.O* I don't know you two."  
_LOL!_

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Marcel Meganium - *gaspies* You should read my stories in school and spread the insanity! Mwahahahahahaha! *spreads insanity by painting reviewers with little 'I READ FP' across their head*

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Akiko - Holy Ho-ohs... you don't mind if I add that little passage into chapter 11, do you? ^_^

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Coffee Luv - Don't worry... If the people in white capture you again, we can escape together! LOL!

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Dark Lord - Family Therapy?? Heck, that could be a completely different story all together!! ^_^ And I already got the gym leader's meeting down for chapter 15 (Mewtwo's not gonna be in it though).

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Chapter 10 : ROAD TRIP!!!

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Tracy Sketchit was having a very weird dream about big purple Pokémon and Team Rocket plushies when suddenly he was pulled out of his dream world by having water thrown on him. Tracy screamed and got up, "What the-??" why were his clothes wet? Oh yeah, now he remembered. He looked at his friend, Ash, who had just thrown a bucket of water over him and then at Ash's 'little brother'.

"I understand that it's a little too much to take in, Tracy, but really, you didn't have to faint."

"I didn't." Tally said, appearing from the kitchen with a chicken sandwich in her mouth. Tally was acting almost sane today... almost.

"Ash," Tracy said, drying his shirt, "When I found out that you were the Chosen One, I was shocked, but not surprised."

"Yeah-"

"When I found out that the leader of Team Rocket was your father, I was so shocked that I passed out, remember?"

"Yes-"

"And now, I just found out that your father created this," he signaled to Mewtwo who seemed to be meditating, "making this Pokémon your brother, well, I think I reacted pretty normal."

"Tally didn't faint." Ash said,

"Tally is also a psycopath."

Tally scowled and threw her sandwich at the Pokémon watcher. Delia suddenly called from the hall, "Ash, your father is on the phone. He wants to talk to you."

Ash, Tracy, Mewtwo and Tally froze.

"And he wants you to take a bath." Delia called.

Ash swore and grabbed the phone from his mother, "What?"

"Hey, Ash." Giovanni said, "How's your brother doing?"

"Ask him yourself." Ash hissed,

Giovanni chuckled, "No point in getting jealous."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Ash," Giovanni said, "I've been thinking, since you don't want to be the heir of Team Rocket, maybe Mewtwo-"

****

"WHAT?" Ash shrieked, **"NO! NO POKÉMON FREAK IS TAKING MY PLACE AS THE LEADER OF TEAM ROCKET! I was the first born!!"**

Giovanni's eyes went wide, "A-Ashton!" he clapped, "I was actually going to say, I'd have Mewtwo use it's psychic powers to make you become the leader of my team, but now you're going to become my heir willingly, I don't need him!"

"Oi!" Mewtwo called from the other room, "I heard that!"

Ash facefaulted, "What did you call for?"

"Oh yeah, I got my car back from the garage and was thinking maybe you, me and Mewtwo can go for a family outing."

Ash blinked, "A road trip?"

"You can call it that if you want."

Ash shrugged, "I don't know dad, we haven't been on a outing since our infamous holiday last week."

Giovanni chuckled, "Ah, it's not a holiday, Ash."

Mewtwo suddenly teleported to the phone, "I think it's a great idea pops!"

Ash's face went red with anger, -Pops? POPS?!?-

Giovanni grinned, "Excellent, I'll be there soon, see you two!"

Mewtwo put the phone down and looked at Ash who looked extremely pissed,

"That is our father, you moron!" Ash yelled,

"Yeah, what about it?"

"At least show him a little respect, would you?"

"I show him more respect than you do."

Ash's hands twitched - he wanted nothing more than to choke his little brother into non-existance,

"Now now Ash," Mewtwo chuckled, "Violence will get you nowhere."

****

"STAY OUT OF MY MIND!!!"

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"I can't believe you made me come with you." Tracy scowled as he waited with the the two siblings for Giovanni,

"This is gonna be so fun!" Tally squealed,

"... I can't believe you made her come with us." Tracy said,

"Tracy, stop it!" Ash said, kicking the mailbox, "Don't remind me that this is possibly going to be the wirst day of my life."

"I thought the worst day of your life was when your father went to school with you." Tally said,

****

"TALLY!" Ash screamed, "Don't remind me of _THAT_ either!"

"What?" Mewtwo asked, looking at Tracy,

"A very long story. Don't ask."

There was suddenly a shrill blast from a horn and the Star Wars theme rung out. Ash felt his face redden, "Holy Ho-ohs..."

Tracy and Tally were dying with laughter while Mewtwo hummed the tune.

Then Giovanni appeared with the gleaming black car behind him. He scowled at the bunch of kids who were about to screw up his car. "I got two rules here. 1) Ash sits in the front cause he gets carsick and 2) NOBODY TOUCHES THE STEERING WHEEL EXCEPT FOR ME, GOT IT?!?"

"Yes sir."

Giovanni smiled, "Good. **NOW GET IN THE CAR!!!**"

The proceeded to do so.

Delia and Pikachu sighed as she watched the kids, Giovanni and Mewtwo clamber into the car.

"I really don't think that this is such a good idea."

"Pika chu pikachu pika?" [Should I go with them?]

There was an awkward silence,

"Chupika." [Didn't think so.]

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"One more time now!" Mewtwo cried.

Ash and Giovanni twitched as Mewtwo and Tally began singing again,

****

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world, life in plastic, it's fantastic!"

"You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere!" Tracy sang,

****

"Imagination, life is your creation!" all three sang, nodding their heads in time,

Both father and son rolled their eyes,

"If we're supposed to be the crazy ones, then how crazy are they?" Ash asked,

Giovanni nodded,

Ash opened a window and gasped for breath, smiling for the first time in over a week. They came to a red light. Giovanni stopped and Ash watched as a car came up to them. He closed his eyes,

"Ash!"

Ash snapped his eyes open: what the-?! He looked over to the other car, "Shit..."

May and Max were waving at him at the back of the car. Ash smiled nervously and waved back. The front window opened and Norman and Caroline smiled at him,

"Hi Ash, what are you doing here?" May called,

"I-"

Giovanni took that moment to lean over and push his son into the seat, "Who the _HELL_ are you?!?"

Norman blinked, "I'm Norman. You must be Ash's father, right?"

"What's it to you?!?" Giovanni yelled,

Ash winced, terribly, "Dad! That's May and Max's father, remember?"

Giovanni blinked, and then smiled nervously, "Ah, right, I see." he then whispered, "That's the boy you nicked the pokénav from, right?"

Ash nodded, "But don't tell him that."

Both father and son smiled at the passengers of the other car.

Norman suddenly blinked, "Hey, aren't you Giovanni, leader of Viridian City gym?"

Giovanni nodded and puffed out his chest, "That's me! Strongest gym leader in all of Kanto."

May and Max looked impressed, "Wow, so you're the child of a gym leader too Ash."

Ash grinned and nodded, "That's right." -Please don't let anything crazy happen-

__

((A/N: Oh, come on, Ash, you know that's never gonna happen! ^_^))

"Giovanni!" called a voice from the other side of the car.

May's jaw fell. Archie and Maxie were sitting in a car which was half red-half blue with the symbols of both rival teams painted along the side.

"Gio!" Maxie called again as he pulled his trousers down, "Kiss my naked ass!!"

Norman's eyes went the size of Hoothoots. An equally shocked Caroline covered her struggling son's eyes. It looked like May had fainted with her eyes open.

"Kiss it yourself," Giovanni scowled, "Or better yet, let Archie kiss it for you."

Both rival team leaders turned scarlet at Giovanni's words,

"Bring. It. On." Archie snarled,

****

"DRAG RACE!" Archie, Maxie and Giovanni screamed at the same time.

Ash sank into the carseat in embarrassement, "Daaaaaad!" he cried,

"What?" Giovanni said, definsevely, "I''m not doing anything wrong."

"You're right, this isn't wrong." Ash said, clenching his fists, **"ILLEGAL MAYBE!!"**

Giovanni laughed evilly and turned to Mewtwo, Tally and Tracy in the back,

"Strap yourselves in kids, we're in for a bumpy ride."

Tracy shrieked, "Oh god, we're all gonna die!"

****

"WE ARE NOT GOING TO DIE!!" Mewtwo snarled.

The car shot off and they were all thrown back into their seats.

Tracy turned green and opened the back window. The sound of puking was disturbing to everyone - espiacally Ash who followed suit. Giovanni yelled happily as they caught up with Archie and Maxie. Now Mewtwo and Tally were singing a completely different song:

****

"Wake me up before you go - go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo - yo."

"Wake me up before you go - go, I don't want to miss it when you hit that high."

"Wake me up before you go - go, 'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo."

"Wake me up before you go - go, Take me dancing tonight!"

Mewtwo turned blue as it used it's powers to make the car go super super fast. Archie and Maxie were literally left 'eating dust'.

The happiness of winning the drag race was contagious. All of them were singing:

****

"Upside down, Bouncing off the ceiling," Tracy and Tally sang

Mewtwo took the next line, **"Inside out, Stranger to this feeling,"**

Giovanni and Ash sang together, **"Got no clue what I should do,"**

****

"But I'll go crazy if I can't get next to you." all of them sang together.

All five of them laughed insanely. Ash blinked and looked out at the darkening sky,

"We are so lost."

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****

Next chapter: Road Trip - Continued!

Some more wacky adventures with our unlikely group including:  
"If dad's asleep, then who's driving the car?!?"

And:  
"What are you guys doing in my gym?"

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Look, I made journals for Ash, Giovanni and Mewtwo! Please check them out!  
They can be accessed at GreatestJournal.com under the usernames:  
_fprpg_ashton_  
_fprpg_sakaki_  
_fprpg_mewtwo_

**__**

PLEASE REVIEW! ^_^

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~JennyRogue


	11. Road Trip Continued

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue  
Rating: PG Genre: Humour

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Author's Notes: Lookie; I finally got it up! ^.^ To those who read the journals, you probably already know what's going to happen to Mewtwo. ^_^ Anyway, I'm _REALLY_ sorry about not updating for so long, so please forgive me. *bows to reviewers*

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Ryu the Weredragon: Don't worry, Misty will be normal (well, if you consider what normal is) ^.^  
**Marcel Meganium**: Good on you! We need more insanity in this world! ^.^ (You're in this chapter by the way!)  
**Spruceton Spook**: Thanks for looking at the journals; they're my pride and joy! [/shuts up]  
**moonfaced_monster**: Chainsaws can be found under 'What The Fuq?' namely Domino.  
**Cosmik**: The Christmas chapter will come next (I was writing it already - LOL!)  
**Coffee Luv:** It was our *cough*heroes*cough* who won the race. Did you look at the journals? ^.^ Their whole family rivalry runs amock there!

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Chapter 11 : Road Trip - Continued

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"What do you mean we're lost?!?" Giovanni bellowed, pushing Ash out of the way and into the carseat again,

"Ow." Ash winced, "You know, you could just look out of your window."

"Well, maybe I don't want to." Giovanni said, childishly.

Ash rolled his eyes. Mewtwo and Tally snickered in the back.

"Yo, pops." Mewtwo started earning a death-glare from Ash, "I think we should stop at a restaurant or something. Tally's getting a little-" he pointed at the girl who was chewing on the leather carseats.

Ash and Tracy sweatdropped, Mewtwo snickered and Giovanni became instantly enraged, "Get her off the seats!"

"Look!" Tally started drooling, "McDonalds!!!"

Giovanni sighed, "Alright then." he turned the car into the drive and opened the door to be flattened by Ash, Tally and Tracy as they litterally dove towards the buidling. Giovanni twitched, "Mewtwo, aren't you coming?"

Mewtwo glared at Giovanni, "What, and scare everyone out of their minds?"

Giovanni rolled his eyes, "Can't you transform into human form or something?"

Mewtwo blinked, stupidly. There was a sudden *POOF!* and an eight-year-old boy with purple hair and eyes stood before Giovanni, "Crap!" he squeaked. Mewtwo clutched his small hands over his mouth, "My voice!"

Giovanni's eyes were wide with shock. There were a few awkward seconds moments and then the leader of Team Rocket fell over backwards and burst into hysterical laughter,

"It's not funny!" Mewtwo squeaked out. He stomped over to the Team Rocket leader and kicked the man in the shins. Giovanni was doubled over in laughter. Mewtwo scowled and ran over to the building, throwing the doors open and trying to glare at everyone... it looked more like a cute pout. There was awwwing all around,

"He's so cute!" before Mewtwo knew what was happening, a teenage girl with mouse brown hair and blue eyes was right next to him, "Hi, I'm Marcel. Are you lost, little one?" the girl's Mr. Mime waddled up to him,

"Mime mime!" [He is so cute!]

"I am not cute!" Mewtwo snarled. He looked around desperately for his older brother, "ASH!!"

Ash turned around just as Mewtwo ran up to him, "Uh..."

"Thank Lugia, I found you."

Ash blinked, "Who are you, kid?"

Mewtwo was extremely pissed. Giovanni took that moment to walk in, still in stitches. He sat down next to Ash, picked up the now fuming Mewtwo and sat him down in a chair.

"Ohgod." Ash said, completely emotionless, "He kidnapped a child."

****

"I AM NOT A CHILD!!!" Mewtwo finally roared, knocking the three teens out of their seats,

"...Mewtwo...?" Ash whispered, eyes widened in disbelief.

"Finally!"

Ash fell out his seat, dying with laughter, "Holy Ho-ohs! You're so cute."

"Awwwww!" Tally said, patting Mewtwo's purple curls, "He's adorable."

Mewtwo twitched, dangerously, "The next one who says I'm cute or adorable will end up in the Cave of Origin."

"Been there, done that." Ash said, pulling off his jacket to show a t-shirt which said, 'I went to the Cave of Origin (and battled Groudon) and all I got was this t-shirt.'

Everyone facefaulted.

"They were selling gifts in the Cave of Origin?" Mewtwo asked,

Ash nodded and pulled out a small nodding Groudon from his backpack, "Look, it nods!"

Everyone fell - animé style.

Ash chuckled nervously, "What?"

****************************************************************************

After McDonalds, they clambered back into the car tired and exhausted. Ash fell asleep almost immediately while Tally and Tracy talked about their Pokémon. Mewtwo droned out of the conversation until:

"Marril's a slut."

What the-?

"Marril is not a slut!" Tracy yelled, turning an interesting shade of pink.

"Yeah? Then why was my Squirtle traumatuised out of it's mind after spending two hours at the lab with Marril?"

Tracy flustered, "I-I dunno!"

Tally shook her head, "Who ever knew that a hydro-pump could be used as a sex aid?"

Tracy went wide-eyed. Mewtwo shuddered, -Note to self; never be in the same room as Marill ever _EVER_ again-

Giovanni glared at them all, "I'd rather not hear about Marril's sex-adventures please."

Tracy's passed out at that. Tally and Mewtwo sweatdropped.

"Anyway," Giovanni said, "I thought you were going to change into your human form, Mewtwo."

"I'll do it later." Mewtwo said, closing his eyes as a blue aura rose around him.

Tally poked Mewtwo, "Watcha doing?"

"Meditating."

"Okay."

There was an awkward silence until Tally poked Mewtwo again, "Wanna play a game?"

****

"NO!"

Tally's bottom lip quivered.

"Tally." Giovanni started, "I think it would be easier if you went to sleep while I tried to find the way home."

Tally proceeded to do just that and fell asleep straight away - Giovanni sweatdropped.

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Ash yawned and stretched, eyes still closed. He remembered where he was and opened his eyes, turning to his father, "Dad, where are we now-" he froze.

Giovanni had slumped back in his seat, eyes closed, snoring with drool dripping out of his mouth. Ash blinked. Looked at the steering wheel. Looked at Giovanni. Back at the steering wheel. Back at Giovanni. Steering wheel. Giovanni.

"If dad's asleep, then who's driving the car?!?"

"That would be me."

Ash spun his head around, colliding with the back of the carseat as he did so. "......ow..." he glared at Mewtwo who had a purple aura around him.

Ash sighed. "Thank Ho-oh..."

Mewtwo rolled his eyes.

Everything was doing alright... until the purple aura around Mewtwo disappeared.

"Oh crap."

"Ash, my psychic energy is used up."

"Well, I can see that!" Ash said, pushing Giovanni into the door so he could grab the wheel, "I thought your energy is never used up!"

"It seems that this body has a limited psychic use."

"Well, transform back!" Ash screamed as he swereved backwards and forwards, dodging cars on both sides as the road as he did so.

"Don't you think I would have done that already if I could?!?" Mewtwo yelled, **"ASH STOP THE CAR!"**

****

"HOW DO I DO THAT?!?" Ash screamed,

His yell effictevely woke up both Tracy and Tally.

"What the-?!?"

Suddenly the car went shooting up a hill. Everyone screamed - Giovanni snored. The car shot off and went flying for a large building. Giovanni woke up,

"What's going on-" his eyes widened, **"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"**

****

"MEWTWO DO SOMETHING!!" Ash screamed,

Mewtwo used what little power he had left to create a barrier around the car. They went smashing into the building. The car stuck half out and half in through the roof.

"That was fun! Can we do it again?"

"Oh shut up Tally!" they all yelled,

Everyone currently residing in the building, blinked simultaneously. Then:

"What are you guys doing in my gym?"

Ash looked down, "Brock!"

Tally opened the door and they all tumbled out on top of each other. Giovanni first, then Tracy, Tally, Ash and Mewtwo last.

"Mewtwo, get off me!" Ash yelled

****

"WILL ALL OF YOU GET OFF ME?!?" Giovanni screeched.

There was a sudden rush to comply with his order. Everyone glared at each other.

"So, uh, what _ARE_ you doing here, and-" Brock's eyes bulged when he noticed the leader of Viridian Gym, "Giovanni?!?"

"Brock." Giovanni said, acknoleging the other's presence.

The Pewter gym leader stared at Ash, "Should I even ask why the leader of Team Rocket is with you?"

"No." Tracy said,

Ash narrowed his eyes at Tracy. Giovanni crossed over to Ash and threw his arms around him and said in a Darth Vader like voice, "Ash is my son."

Ash felt his face redden.

Brock narrowed his eyes, "That has got to be the lamest Star Wars pun ever."

"Brock, there's a car sticking out of your gym. Me, the leader of Viridian gym, Tracy, this psycotic girl," Tally waved, "and the human form of the Pokémon who tried to take over the world are sitting in your gym covered in dirt. Do you really think I'm joking."

Brock gasped way too dramatically, **"HOLY CRAP!!!"**

"That's what I said when I realised what my father did for a living."

"When _DID_ you find out anyway?" Tracy asked

"I was five."

At that particular moment, everyone (including Tally) looked like this: *O.O*

****************************************************************************

****

The ride home went something like this:

Giovanni, Mewtwo, Tracey and Tally all singing:

"100 Pokeballs on the wall! 100 Pokeballs! Take one down, pass it around..."

Ash:

Bashing his head repeatedly into the dashboard.

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Next chapter: A Very Screwed Up Christmas

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Present unwrapping:  
"Open mine first Ash."  
"Oh no, I know what this is..."

****

And Ash finds his little brother in a vulnerable time:  
"Mewtwo, what the hell-?"  
"GET OUT!!!"

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Hope you all liked this chapter! If you go to my journal under GreatestJournal.com (username: jennyrogue) you'll see the avatars I made for this story at the top of the page.

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www . greatestjournal . com / ~jennyrogue

There's a pic of Ash like: *o__O* and an animation of Giovanni chewing on a coconut. LOL!

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~JennyRogue


	12. A Very Screwed Up Christmas!

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S

JennyRogue

Rating: PG Genre: Humour

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

****

Warning: Hints of yaoi (Ash/Tracy)

Thanks everyone for being so understanding about my dog's passing away. I love you all *hugs reviewers*

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Chapter 12 : A Very Screwed Up Christmas!

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Mewtwo was NOT having a good week. First reason; he was still a human. And second;

****

"WAKE UP MEWTWO, IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!"

Yeah, that was the second reason.

Mewtwo threw a pillow at his brother's head. Ash scowled,

"Come on M2."

"Will you _STOP_ calling me that?"

"Will you get up?"

Mewtwo gritted his teeth together and looked at the clock - understandably, he freaked, "Ash, it's barely six in the morning!"

"But we got stockings!"

Mewtwo growled and turned over to face Ash, "Look, maybe you care about this holiday, but I don't. It's just a stupid day meant to entertain the ignorant masses." Mewtwo glared at Ash,

There was an awkward pause.

"Did you just call me ignorant?!?"

Ash whacked Mewtwo on the arm.

"Mooooooom!" Mewtwo yelled, "Ash hit me!"

"Don't hit your brother!" came the ever so familiar call,

Mewtwo smirked, "Ha ha..."

Ash poked his tongue out at Mewtwo and dived for the stocking at the end of his bed. A few minutes and a bunch of wrapping paper later, Ash had a lot of chocolate and was grinning like a headless chicken.

Mewtwo rolled his eyes, "What is it with the chocolate? Mom should know by know not to give that crap to you."

"I think you got some too, M2."

****

"GIVE ME!!!" Mewtwo literally flew into his stocking.

There came the sound of a hyperactice kid gnawing on chocolate while Ash looked on wide-eyed.

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(A/N: Just for the record, Giovanni and Delia **do not** sleep in the same bed)

Giovanni sighed when he heard the sounds in the other room. "Delia, the kids are awake."

"I am aware of that John."

****

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

Delia rolled her eyes.

"Mooooooom!" Mewtwo yelled from the other room, "Ash hit me!"

"Don't hit your brother!" Delia called back, she turned to Giovanni, "You know this is all your fault, right?"

"Hm?" Giovanni looked up,

"Mewtwo was much easier to handle when he was a Pokémon."

"And it's my fault because...?

"You're an idiot."

There was an awkward silence.

****

"GIVE ME!!!" came Mewtwo's yell from the other room.

There was a sudden sound of something smashing and Ash shrieked, "Holy Ho-ohs!"

Delia pulled the cover over her, "Wake me up when this day is over, dear."

****

"I AM _NOT_ YOUR DEAR!"

Delia rolled her eyes. He was as bad as the kids...

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Ash and Mewtwo glared at each other as their dishevelled parents came down the stairs.

"No screaming today." Delia muttered, yawning, "Mommy needs her rest."

"I'm not a frigging child!" Mewtwo muttered, "Don't talk to me like I'm one!"

Delia gave Mewtwo a death-glare.

"No foul language under my roof, mister."

"Frigging isn't a swear word!"

****

"MEWTWO!"

Giovanni rolled his eyes.

"Less yelling and more opening prezzies!" Ash said, bouncing on his feet,

"Is prezzies even a word?" Mewtwo asked,

"It is as of right now."

Suddenly Pikachu poked it's head out from under the sofa,

Ash blinked, "I was wondering where you were 'Chu."

Pikachu grinned sheepishly,

"What were you doing under there, anyway?"

Pikachu sweatdropped. There was an awkward silence.

"Look presents!"

Giovanni smirked and handed Ash a V.I.E (very important envelope) "Open mine first Ash."

Ash facefaulted, "Oh no, I know what this is..."

"...Ash?" Delia said, she grabbed the envelope from him and set it on fire,

Mewtwo facefaulted.

Ash chuckled, "This happens every year, M2. Dad tries to give me Team Rocket. Mom flips out." she pointed to the two, "Like so."

Delia was hitting Giovanni with a huge 'I'm the boss of this house'-mallet.

Mewtwo's eyes went wide.

Ash grabbed the present from Delia - a big box.

"What is it?"

...Delia smiled.

"Seriously, what is it?"

"Just open it Ash."

Ash tore open the wrapping with his teeth.

"...Should I even ask why he does that?" Mewtwo asked, wide-eyed,

"No." Giovanni sighed.

"A GAME-CUBE!!!" Ash hugged Delia, "Aw, thanks ma."

Delia chuckled and hugged Ash back,

Mewtwo shook his head and reached for his own presents. Mostly clothes, a few DVDs. Oh, and a Gameboy Advance.

Ash opened his present from Pikachu and froze.

Pikachu grinned, "Pikachu, pika pika?" /Well, how do you like it?/

Ash had a forced smile on his face, "Great." He then turned to Mewtwo, "What the hell is this supposed to mean?!?"

Mewtwo looked at Pikachu's present. A book entitled; 'How NOT To Be Evil'. He burst into hysterical laughter.

Ash glared at Mewtwo. When the Pokémon-turned-human wouldn't shut up, Ash lightly punched him on the arm.

"Ash hit me!" Mewtwo scowled.

Delia sighed.

"Well hit him back." Giovanni yelled,

Mewtwo smirked, "With pleasure."

A psychic blast threw Ash up and out of the house through the window. Everyone went wide-eyed with shock.

"I'm okay..." Ash yelled from wherever he had landed. He didn't sound okay.

Everyone scooted away from Mewtwo.

****************************************************************************

It was half way through the day when everyone started to suspect something. The family were just finishing dinner when there was a knock at the door. Delia moved to open the door and standing there was Tracy, smirking slightly, "Can I come in?"

Delia nodded, a little freaked out by Tracy's sh*t-eating grin. Tracy went to Ash and handed him a present that was maybe just a little over-wrapped. "I spent ages trying to find you the perfect present, Ash."

Ash turned the present over in his hands, "What is it?"

Tracy turned bright-red, "Ah, don't open it here Ash, I doubt your mom would approve."

Mewtwo choked on his turkey, as he had been the only one to actually hear that.

Ash and Tracy went in the other room. There was a silence. And suddenly Ash's shrill giggle stopped the three in the middle of eating,

Giovanni, Delia and Mewtwo's eyes went wide.

Tracy left in a hurry and Ash (still giggling) sat down and started on his pudding.

"Ash?" Giovanni asked, turning to his son, "What did he get you?"

Ash gave another giggle and turned to Mewtwo who looked quite disturbed,

"I'll show you later."

Mewtwo's eyes widened and he shook his head, wildly,

"Nu uh, don't want to know..." he started clearing up the plates, "don't want to know..."

Ash blinked and looked over at his parents. Delia and Giovanni hurriedly looked away to avoid his look.

****************************************************************************

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Author's Notes: Yeah, I know I didn't include the second scene from the sneak preview in the last chapter, but it wasn't very funny and didn't include any of the sibling-rivalry that you guys love so much, so, yeah, I got rid of it. I was going to do a New Year special, but these take way too much out of me so I won't write it. No sneak preview this time, I'll just give you these three words:

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GYM LEADER'S MEETING.

And I'm off.

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Reviewer's Responses: (from chapter 11)

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Marcel Meganium - You think you got a bad romance muse? I employed Jounouchi/Joey (Yu-Gi-Oh) as my romance muse and Pegasus as my yaoi muse!

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john - Erika will appear in either chapter 13 or 14.

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Cosmic Mewtwo - Poor Mewtwo! And next chapter, you'll find out what Delia decides to call (because a human can't go around with a name like Mewtwo forever) and, trust me, Mewtwo _WILL NOT_ like it.

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Roha Nacht - Yeah, about the New Year's idea... *points at author's notes* sorry about that, it would've been good as well...

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Dark Lord - Ranma? Well, I would do something like that, but I don't know anything about the animé and I don't want to offend the people who watch it if I get something wrong.

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togepi4eva - Misty will be appearing in the next two chapters (Brock is such a gossip!).

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BouncyBluePenguin - *bows* Welcome to the insanity that is Family Problems!

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Mink - Valentine's Day, huh? I- oooo! Idea! Who wants to see Mewtwo getting chased after by all the girls while Ash is like, "Where are all MY fangirls?" and Giovanni's like: "Why are you running away? Be a man!!" and Mewtwo screams, "But I'm not a man! I'm not even human!" and Ash snickers, "You are now."

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~JennyRogue


	13. Of Thongs, Baby Names & Gym Leader Meeti...

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue

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Rating: PG13 **Genre: **Humour  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.  
**Author's Notes: **Yeah, I raised the rating of the fic. **coughes hastily** Um, Archie and Maxie wanted the first part of the chapter in - I had **no** part of the first part of this chapter...

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Chapter 13 : Of Thongs, Baby Names & Gym Leader Meetings

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Ash knocked the door to his parent's room, "Dad, what are you doing in there?"

Silence.

Ash felt extremely nervous, "Dad? **DAD?!?**" he slammed open the door.

Ash looked at Giovanni. Giovanni looked at Ash.

There was an awkward silence which lasted for about ten seconds, before Ash ran out of the room, screaming.

Giovanni ran after him, "It's not what it looks like!!"

Delia chose that moment to walk up the stairs. Her eyes widened, "Oh my!"

"What's going on-?" Mewtwo appeared behind Delia, **"OH MY GOD! MY EYES, THEY BURN!!!!"**

Giovanni shrieked, **"WHY ME?!?"**

Delia's eyes narrowed, "What possessed you to try on my lingerie?!?"

"Um... I was bored?" Giovanni said nervously while slinking back into the room. He slammed the door while Delia pounded her fists on it,

"Take my thong off _NOW_, Giovanni!"

"Hey! Be grateful it was your thong and not your vibrator!"

Ash's eyes widened from his place in the bathroom. He screamed, **"MENTAL IMAGES!!!!!" **and fainted clear out into the bathtub.

"What's a vibrator?" Mewtwo asked.

Delia put her burnings face into her hands, "Holy crap, why is this family so freakin' dysfunctional?"

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****

...OKAY! Moving forward a few hours!!

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Giovanni stard at Delia in disbelief, "But Mewtwo has a name. It's Mewtwo!!"

Delia smiled sweetly, "Yeah, but he can't be called that forever, Giovanni. Mewtwo's human now and he needs a human name." she paused, "I always liked the name Paris."

"No Delia." Giovanni said, "Just... no. You are not naming my child that."

"When the hell did Mewtwo become your child?! I thought he was your clone."

"No, he's Mew's clone, he just happens to have some of my DNA inside him."

"Good grief! No wonder he tried to take over the world!"

**__**

"DELIA!!"

The woman chuckled, "Alright, alright..." she changed the subject, "So, the gym leader's meeting is today, right?"

Giovanni smirked, "Yeah, and I'm taking Ash with me."

****

"I'M NOT GOING!!" Ash shrieked from the living room.

Delia sweatdropped. Giovanni sighed, "Ash, some day in the near future, you are going to take over my gym, so I want you to meet the other leaders."

"I already know the gym leaders!" Ash yelled, "I kicked their asses and won their gym badges!"

****

"ASH!" Delia scolded,

"Atta boy!" Giovanni yelled back,

Ash shrieked from his place in the living room. Giovanni shook his head and turned to Delia.

"How about we call Mewtwo, Sakaki?"

Delia glared at Giovanni, "We are not naming Mewtwo after you."

"What? It's a good name!"

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****

"ASHTON SATOSHI LUCIFER KETCHUM! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!!!"

Mewtwo rose his eyebrows in disbelief, "Lucifer...?" he asked

Delia sweatdropped, "Long story."

****

"I'M NOT GOING!!!"

Mewtwo and Delia looked back at Giovanni and Ash, and facefaulted. Ash was stubbornly holding onto the doorframe while Giovanni tried to forcibly rip him from it.

"Let go, you little brat!!"

"NO!!"

"Holy crap..." Mewtwo placed his burning face in his hands while Delia just stood there reminded herself why she married Giovanni in the first place. And again. And again...

Ash screamed like a lunatic as Giovanni slung him over his shoulders and walked over to the car. Ash kicked Giovanni's chest in an effort to be let down.

"Um, shouldn't we do something?" Mewtwo asked, eyes wide,

"No." Delia said almost immediately,

Ash had assumed the starfish postion over the car, **"LET ME GO!!!"**

****

"GET IN THE FREAKIN' CAR!!"

****

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Giovanni shoved Ash forward and smacked his head against the roof of the car. Ash started yelling profanaties at Giovanni as the leader of Team Rocket forcibly threw him into the car. He slammed the door shut before Ash could move and locked it, before getting into the driver's seat. Ash was giving Giovanni a perfect glare of death,

"I hate you."

The leader of Team Rocket sighed - this was going to be a _LONG_ ride...

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The gym leaders of the Kanto region gathered around the meeting table in the Pokémon League headquarters. Lt. Surge of Vermillion, Misty of Cerulean, Blaine of Cinnabar, Sabrina of Saffron, Erika of Celadon, Koga of Fuchsia and Brock of Pewter (who looked a little nervous). Giovanni of Viridian had yet to arrive. This was perfectly fine with the others.

Blaine gathered the other leader's attention,

"We must take action." he started, "with the information we gathered from Misty and Brock, we are positive that Giovanni is the leader of the infamous Team Rocket. We must go to the league about this!"

Suddenly, Brock piped up, "I-I no longer wish to remain in this case against Giovanni."

There was an awkward silence in which everyone glared at Brock.

Lt. Surge shot up out of his chair, "Traitor!" he cried, "You sold yourself to him!"

Brock sighed, "No, Surge, I did not."

"Then WHAT?!?" Blaine exploded, "We can't have Misty's word alone against Giovanni's!"

"Is he bribing you?" Koga asked,

"No!"

Misty's eyes softened, "...Blackmail?"

"NO!" Brock yelled angrily, "Look, I-"

****

"GET HERE YOU LITTLE BRAT!!" Giovanni's unfamiliar shriek echoed through the building.

There was another awkward silence,

"Giovanni?" Blaine wondered, aloud.

Erika gasped, "He's earlier than usual!" she grabbed the notes from Blaine and stuffed them into a drawer, out of sight.

Sabrina blinked, "He brought his son?" she said, almost too quietly.

Everyone stared at her in shock. Sabrina usually didn't speak much in these meetings.

Brock began to sweat slightly. Misty noticed this.

"Brock...?" she asked, quietly, "Do you know this kid of his?"

Brock sighed, "Yes, and so do you."

Misty blinked, confused, and was about to ask him another question, when (right on cue) the doors slammed open. Everyone jumped and spun around to face-

****

"ASH?!?" Misty screamed.

Ash went pale, "Oops, wrong door." he ran off down the corridor,

Everyone just stared.

A few seconds later, Giovanni (screaming like a banshee, by the way) went running down the corridor after Ash, **"GET HERE!!!"**

There was another little awkward silence before Brock piped up, "That, my fellow gym leaders, is the reason why I have decided to withdraw from the case against Giovanni."

Misty's eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted dead away.

"Wow." Sabrina spoke up, "This is one meeting I think we will all remember."

"Amen to that." all the others called just as Ash and Giovanni went running down the corridor again, screaming.

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~JennyRogue


	14. Archiebaby?

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F A M I L Y P R O B L E M S  
JennyRogue

Rating: PG13 Genre: Humour  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC, Tally Evans.

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Ash: Oh look, another chapter. *yells* I thought you were finished with this fic?  
**Jenny: ***glares* I'll be finished when I'm finished, and not a second sooner!  
**Pegasus: **Volatile...!  
**Jenny: **WRONG FANDOM!! *kicks Pegasus out*  
**Ash: ***O__O()*  
**Jenny: **Yeah... *cough*  
**Spark: **/So hungry.../  
**Jenny: ***sweatdrop* So... erm... sorry about the lateness of this chapter. Because of other things-  
**Ash: **Other things meaning your rediscovered love for Yuugiou-  
**Jenny: **_SHUT UP! _*cough* Erm... yeah... I won't be updating this story as fast as I used too... but that doesn't mean I'll forget this story all together! No, I love this story. *huggles Family Problems*  
**Giovanni: **Where's the bathroom?  
**Ash & Jenny: **¬¬ Second door to the left.  
**Giovanni: **O_O R-right. *runs off*  
**Jenny: **And everyone go read Millenium Mutant's fanfic, 'A Chilling Past'. *chibi-grin*  
**Ash: **¬¬ Hell, she's influencing people again.  
**Spark: **/Should we be afraid?/  
**Ash: **Definetly.

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Chapter 14 : Archie-baby?

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Back at the Ketchum/Rocketto house...

****

"MEWTWO!" Delia roared, almost sending the house down. Mr. Mime hid under the table and a few Pidgeys were un-rooted from the roof in the process,

Mewtwo's innocent face peered round the side of the door, "Er... yes mommy?"

Delia twitched slightly, "Where. Are. My. Clothes?" she'd just taken a shower and found out that all her clothes were stolen.

Mewtwo sweatdropped, "I don't know what you're talking about mommy-dearest." he staggered and his left foot came into view.

Delia spluttered, **"ARE YOU WEARING MY CLOTHES?!?"**

"Erm..." Mewtwo took off the highheels and threw them at Delia before running off out of the house.

Delia screamed and ran out after Mewtwo, the towel falling off in the process.

__

(A/N: o.O;; I swear to God, this thing writes itself)

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Giovanni and Ash were sitting down at the gym leader's table, staring at the other gym leaders. Erika was fanning Misty (who was still passed out) and Sabrina had a disturbed look in her eyes.

"So," Blaine started, "You're related."

Both nodded.

Giovanni glared at Ash, "Stupid brat."

****

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?" Ash screamed, gaining about three feet in height and towering over his father,

Giovanni whimpered, "Nothing, sir."

Ash sat back down again and looked at Lt. Surge who was gawking at him, **"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?"**

Surge toppled out of his chair in fear. Everyone sweatdropped.

The phone suddenly rang. Blaine picked it up, "Er... the guardsmen at the door say someone ordered a double pepporoni pizza?"

****

"ME! ME!" Ash said, leaping from his chair and grabbing the phone, "Yeah, just bring it up."

Suddenly, a bike bell rang and the doors slammed open. Two men were sitting on the bike,

"Ash! Giovanni!" they both called,

"Archie? Maxie?" both father and son said at the same time.

"Erm... you work in a pizzeria?" Ash asked,

"No, we _OWN_ a pizzeria!" Maxie giggled and gave Ash his pizza, "That'll be 20 bucks."

"You take credit cards, right?" Ash said, handing over Giovanni's credit card,

****

"HEY!" Giovanni yelled, getting up, "That's MY credit card!"

"Your point is?" Ash asked, glaring at his father,

"You stole my credit card?"

"Yep."

Giovanni clung onto Ash's legs, "I knew there was a reason I loved you, son, you're going to take over my empire someday!"

Blaine choked, "Whatghs-wha?!?"

Misty suddenly shot up, "Ash! Ash!"

"I'm here, what do you want?" Ash snapped.

Misty facefaulted when she saw the respected leader of Viridian City Gym clutching to her friend, "Er... nothing." she sat back down,

"Right." Ash glared down at Giovanni, "You! Off my pizza!"

"I'm not on your pizza."

Ash smacked Giovanni's head with the pizza box.

Everyone sweatdropped.

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****

"MEWTWO!!!!!!!!" Delia shrieked, streaking after the eight-year-old-Pokémon-turned-human. Mewtwo ran as fast as his little legs could carry him, various pieces of clothing falling off him as he ran. But you think Delia would bend down and pick up those piece of clothing? Hell no. She had to bline almost half of Pallet Town by running bare-naked after the boy

****

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

****

"GOOD LORD, DELIA, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!" someone shrieked from one of the nearby houses.

Delia either didn't hear or blantly ignored them.

****

"MEWTWO!!!!"

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Professor Oak was riding his bike through Pallet Town, "Ah what a glorious day." he smiled, suddenly...

****

"MEWTWO!!!!"

Wait a sec, that sounded like Delia...

The newest addition to the family, an eight-year-old boy (probably adopted, since he looked nothing like Delia or Ash, Profesor Oak thought) came running down the pathway, screaming,

"She's crazy! Keep her away from me!"

"Hey, hey, kid!" Professor Oak yelled as the boy ran past him. Hm, he'd never found out what the kid's name was called...

****

"GET BACK HERE YOU FIEND!!!" screamed Delia, running up the path.

"Del-" Professor Oak's eyes widened to the size of plates. He nosebled as Delia streaked past, his bike went straight into a lamp-post, "Medic..." the professor coughed, "Need...hospital..." he fainted.

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Ash was keeping the rest of the gym leaders away from his pizza and growled whenever someone came near it.

Archie and Maxie had decided to join the meeting (despite protests from the gym leaders).

"How propestorous!" Maxie said, slamming his hand on the table.

Blaine sighed, "For the last time, stop doing that, this table is made out of glass."

Maxie ignored him, "How can you take away a leader's gym just because he runs's a mafia-like organisation?!"

Giovanni put his head in his hands and groaned.

"I mean, if Archie-baby and I were gym leaders, would you take away our gyms?"

"Archie-baby?" Giovanni asked,

"Yes." all the other gym leaders said at the same time.

"Oh." Maxie sweatdropped, "Very well then." he sat down.

"Thanks a lot Maxie." Giovanni whispered,

"No problem, Big G."

Koga tried to sneak a piece of Ash's pizza. Therefore, Ash bit Koga's hand. Koga yelled in pain,

Giovanni scowled, "Ash! Heel, heel Ash!"

Ash growled, angrily and bit harder into Koga's hand. Koga screamed and began to shake his hand to get Ash off. Ash stubbornly held onto Koga.

"Does he have rabies?!?" Koga shrieked,

"I didn't have enough time to find out." Misty whispered under her breath.

Brock sweatdropped.

Archie was giving Maxie a blow....pop _(A/N: what did you think I was going to say?)_

Brock facefaulted.

Blaine put his head in his hands and groaned. This. Was. Not. Happening.

Giovanni grabbed Ash's legs and started pulling, **"ASH! ASH! DOWN BOY!!! HEEL! I SAID HEEL DAMNIT!!"**

Scratch that. This WAS happening.

Blaine sighed, "I'm going to get a drink. Preferbly something alcholic."

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Three drunk leaders and one hospitalized leader later, Ash and Giovanni were going back to Pallet Town, with Archie and Maxie in tow,

"I'm sleepy." Maxie said, rubbing his eyes, "Daddy, can we go home now?"

"We're going home." Giovanni said, pushing Maxie and Archie out of the door, "And don't call em daddy, either."

"But I wuv you." Maxie said, clinging onto Giovanni's legs.

Archie scowled, **"MAXIE!"**

Maxie giggled, sleepily, and attached himself to Archie, "But I wuv you even more, Archie-baby."

"Oh yuck." Ash said, "I think I'm going to have Koga's taste imprinted in my mouth forever."

"Why didn't you eat your pizza?" Giovanni asked, after pushing Archie and Maxie into the back of the car,

Ash shrugged, "It went cold."

Giovanni sweatdropped, "Whatever, just get in the car."

Ash got in the car and fastened his seatbelt, waiting impatiently for Giovanni to get in, "You know, that wasn't a half bad day." he said, chuckling, "And back at home, it was probably boring as hell."

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Delia chuckled insanely as she walked away from the lamp post she had impaled Mewtwo on. Mewtwo was wearing nothing but a thong.

"I'm going to **_KILL_** you for this, Delia."

"Yeah, whatever, Loki. You'll have to get down first."

Mewtwo did not appreciate his new name.

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Author's Note: Well, that's chapter 14 done. Hope you all like. And again, I'll really sorry about the lateness of this chapter. Erm... what are you still here for... a preview? Erm. Okay then...

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In Chapter 15: Ash finds the video of his birth. Watch Giovanni make a complete ass of himself:  
"What is that?!?"  
"That is your son's head."  
"What's that?"  
".....The nurse."  
"And that?"  
"Your wife!  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?"  
"THAT'S YOUR WRISTWATCH!"  
"Oh okay."  
**Chapter 15: Baby Videos**

Yeah, I'm done ........ for now. MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *gets hit with speeding coke can* **OW!!**

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~JennyRogue


	15. BRAAAAAAAAAINS

**Family Problems**

**Chapter 15 – BRAAAAAAAAAINS**

**By JennyRogue**

**Author's Notes:** Wow. It's been over a year since I last updated this. Yeah, sorry about that, I had _no_ inspirations what so ever, not to mention my computer crashed and I lost everything on it, including the chapter 15 I was writing back then. So here is the new chapter 15. It's not the chapter that I said I was going to write last time though. Also, the chapter title has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. XD

"Oh… what do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning!"

"SHUT UP!" Giovanni and Ash roared at Mewtwo. The small purple haired Pokémon-turned-human just grinned in response and launched off into another round of the annoying song.

Ash groaned and put his head in his hands, "We're _dead_."

Giovanni chuckled and patted his son's head, "Come on Ash, at least it can't possibly get any worse."

**ONE HOUR PREVIOUSLY**

"This is officially the worst idea EVER." Ash said, his eyes wide. Giovanni said nothing, just continued tying the rope around Mewtwo's waist. "This is insane!" Ash shrieked, trying to talk some ounce of sense into both his father and brother, "What makes you think you're going to get away with this!"

"It's a foolproof plan bro!" Mewtwo said, grinning as Giovanni tightened the rope one last time. "Oh great." Ash said sarcastically, crossing his arms. The Team Rocket leader stood back up, "And since Mewtwo is so small, he can get in and out of there quicker then say you or me, and he'll practically be undetected."

"Erm… 'kay… what about the guards? And the security system?"

Mewtwo tapped his left temple, "Psychic. Remember?"

Ash shook his head, "I'm having no part of this insanity." But Giovanni and Mewtwo were already slipping into an air vent they had found.

Giovanni threw Ash a walkie-talkie, "You stay here and tell is anyone's coming."

"WHAT! Why can't you!"

"I have to go with Mewtwo."

"You crazy bastards! I'm not helping you in your crazy plan!" They hadn't heard though, as they had just gone into the building. Ash looked down at the walkie-talkie in his hand and snorted, "I can't believe those idiots are going to think I'm just going to stay here."

**FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER**

"I can't believe I decided to stay here." Ash rubbed his head and groaned. Only 14 years old and he was already getting his very first migraine. Ash sighed and looked at the air vent, "Why me?"

The walkie-talkie beeped and Ash clicked the button, "Yeah?"

"Is anyone there?" Giovanni's voice came through.

Ash rolled his eyes and looked from side to side, "Nope."

Mewtwo's voice suddenly came through, "Poké-balls loaded pops!"

Ash choked and sat up, "WHAT! Where are you!"

The sound of flesh hitting flesh and a yelp came through and Ash assumed that Giovanni and slapped Mewtwo, but he didn't really care right now.

"You two are stealing Pokémon!" Ash all but practically screamed.

"Well _duh_." Giovanni said matter-of-factly, "What did you think we were stealing… money?"

"Actually, yes." Ash admitted through gritted teeth.

There was silence. Then the two burst out laughing. A pissed off Ash threw the walkie-talkie into the nearby bush and screamed loud and long to the heavens. After his slight mental breakdown, Ash bent down and climbed into the air vent himself. It was time to make those son-of-a-bitches pay.

**FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER**

"YOU!"

Giovanni and Mewtwo tensed and slowly looked around to see the fuming teenager standing there. They rose their hands in greeting, Mewtwo still snickering a little, "Hi Ash." They both said in chorus."

"Drop. Those. Balls." Ash said quietly, almost glowing from anger.

Giovanni snickered, "Which ones?"

Ash and Mewtwo hit the floor. Ash quickly regained his composure, "Stop screwing around and drop those Poké-balls NOW."

Giovanni pouted in a rather childish way, "You never let me have any fun!"

"STEALING POKÉMON IS NOT FUN!" Ash roared,

Mewtwo clambered back up and rushed over to Giovanni. Unfortunately though, he was rather dizzy from falling and ended up collapsing all over the place… and ended up slamming hard through one of the security lasers.

The deafening roar that followed made all three shriek like girls and cling to each other.

**ONE HOUR LATER**

"Like I said… it can't possibly get any worse then this!"

"Wanna bet?" Ash said, pointing to the jail bars.

Giovanni froze. Delia had just arrived and she looked furious. "They did it!" Giovanni shrieked, pointing frantically at Ash and Mewtwo. Ash looked furious, "I DID NOT!"

Mewtwo just continued singing, happily oblivious to the two who then started fighting in the cell. Delia sighed and shook her head, "Why me?"

**In chapter 16 of Family Problems: **Mewtwo A.K.A Loki starts school, which just happens to be the school Ash got expelled from.


End file.
